I’m finally feeling the weight of being the 15-year-old therapist when I can’t even manage my own problems and I’m starting to choke on it.
To elaborate: I’m in a friend group of 17-20 year olds, and I love them with all my heart. Truly like older siblings to me. But we have a vents channel… When it doesn’t have activity, it’s a good day… (And that’s my own mind lying to me.) It’s active, as I’ve grown close to these people over a year- They feel like basically personal friends- And if I don’t help, I feel responsible for them feeling bad. Like if I’m not there, they’ll keep feeling that way. And I want to make them feel better.
But after a night before last- I just kinda couldn’t take it. I didn’t help, and I was already feeling awful that night but didn’t open up about it, but decided to help anyway, and it went horribly.
And I know I can’t keep this up forever. I can’t just be there when I have problems I can’t understand, and that’s already enough trouble, but holding onto theirs- I’m not able.
My mind tells me if I’m there it can help them feel better, but I can’t reason that I’m not a therapist. I’m a fool playing out something I pretend to know but I don’t.
They’ve told me it’s not my responsibility to help, that I shouldn’t feel responsible for them, we’ve had this conversation before-
…But I still do.
I still need to be there because if I’m not there- Then I should’ve helped.
I’m usually responsible with this. I’m usually on top of, “Okay, this isn’t my scene, I can’t help, let me take a step back.”
But that’s been getting harder and harder-
And after last weekend… God.
I feel like shit.
@STICKEYSTICKS
Hello Sticks.
Thank you for sharing your personal experiences. It sounds like it was something that's been building up and truly bothering you. I can relate to you on trying to help your friends and feeling responsible for their well-being at times. When I was younger I had a similar friend group like yours and I also took on the role of "therapist." However, through my experience I also learned that my own well-being should be something that I put first before anyone else. That took me a while to understand because I was the kind of person to always put others first but I also learned to ask myself "how can I help others when I don't know or can't help myself first?" You seem to be young but also very mature and that can be a gift and a curse at times but don't forget you are also learning and growing yourself.
I hope I was able to provide words of comfort to you. I also apologize if I misspoke or misunderstood what you were trying to convey in your post.
