In love with my best friend, and she doesn't feel the same.

We've been friends for a few years, and it's safe to say she is the person I feel closest to. About 2 years ago, she got a boyfriend and things started to change. I didnt know why, but it was incredibly painful to see her with him. It brought me so much anxiety and jealousy, and my disapproval of the relationship has always been a barrier between us. Every time he is even mentioned, I feel a rush of pain, and end up acting resentful towards her which leads into a fight.

We recently went on a 4 month road trip together, and I just loved living life with her everyday. However as the end of it drew near, it became really tense because I knew she would return to her boyfriend, and I would move to a different town.

During our trip I could no longer ignore the fact that I was in love with her. This was a hard thing for me to accept because I also wasn't ready to fully admit that I am gay. I finally told her everything. It was painful because I wished that it would change something, but it didn't. Now she is living with her boyfriend, and not only am I a couple of hours away, but I feel uncomfortable even visiting her. I have never been able to feel okay when he is around. I don't know what to do, or how to keep our friendship alive. She still wants to be close, but being away from her has been very hard. I miss her everyday, and knowing she is with him is what hurts the most. I just don't know how to come to terms with it.