Is it okay?
I've been friends with a person now for about 9 months. And during that time I've found that I have pretty much been doing the majority of the work. Texting first, checking in, setting up hangouts, etc. And I can't sit here and pretend that they haven't done anything, cause they have texted first and given effort into the friendship, but honestly it's very one sided in the amount of times. They deal with a lot of things like (severe depression and anxiety) so I've tried to be as understanding as possible and always be there for them. But Is it okay for me to be fed up? Is it okay for me to be tired putting in the majority of the work? I know not everybody is a "consistent friend" but they are so consistent at being inconsistent. And I feel like if I ask them to put more effort in, that'll just offend them and they'll probably not even want to be friends anymore, so I feel kinda stuck. Like should I just be content with it? Or should I be upset about it?
@sensibleApple9556 I think your feelings of frustration are absolutely understandable. It's not fun to feel like you're putting in more effort than the other person, even if there are some things that may be impeding the other person's ability, such as their mental health. You're still human too, and you're allowed to feel upset about things like that. It's possible to have a conversation about these feelings with your friend if you wanted to, I know it may feel weird but friendships, like any relationship, should be built on trust and honesty. But it's up to what you feel would be best, and if you think they would or wouldn't be able to handle a conversation like that. It's a tough situation to be in, because I'm sure you value your friendship, but at the same time it sounds as though you're not getting as much out of it as you'd like.
@TaranWanderer thank you for your words. And yeah it's kinda like that you know. She's told me straight up that I'm the most important person in her life besides her family. So I makes me confused as to why she doesn't text me first more often or try and engage with me more often. And I mean I could talk to her about it but anyway I look at it I can't make it come out subtle. My words will be to blunt and it will start to look like I'm begging and not understanding of her problems.
@sensibleApple9556 that makes sense, and it is a difficult thing to bring up without being pretty direct. I mean, you could always express that exact worry to her too, that you're afraid it'll come off as blunt and that you don't want her to think you're not being understanding of her situation, but also that it's something important to you and has been making you feel a bit down lately. No matter what you decide to do, it sounds like you both really value each other, and so I hope this obstacle can be overcome somehow so you can focus on the nice friendship you have
@TaranWanderer
Very interesting ideas
@TaranWanderer I think what sadly makes it so hard Is that I kinda Secretly/kinda not Secretly, have romantic feelings for her. And I think that's part of the reason why I feel so down and also so worried and fed up about her not putting much effort in. ._.
@sensibleApple9556 ah that definitely adds a layer of wanting more contact/wanting to feel important to someone, doesn't it! But I still think your feelings about it are valid, no matter the motivating factors. It definitely makes sense that you'd be feeling this way.
@TaranWanderer yea so it's pretty rough. Cause I really only find happiness anymore when I'm talking to her. But it in turn makes me sad when we talk because it just feels like all our convos are forced in a way cause I'm always having to initiate, and sometimes her effort in those convos can be lack luster.
@sensibleApple9556 oh that would be a bit saddening, the one thing that you really enjoy also has mixed in negative feelings :( Even though you like talking to her, always having to be the one to contact first can be frustrating, it definitely sucks when we want someone to be showing us interest in the same way we show them! Especially when talking to that person is so important in your life. It sounds like something that is worth addressing, whether that's through opening up with her about it, or practicing being okay being the one always contacting first, or whatever other method you think would be best for you. You deserve to have nice conversations with someone important to you without the added upsetting feelings
@TaranWanderer I know that's why I'm so conflicted. Like I feel like at this point I either have to be content or address it. And for our situation as a whole, being content would be the best option so it doesn't cause any unneeded conflict between us. But also I feel like I deserve better and someone who will give me more attention. But like I love her and I understand that she struggles with a lot and is trying to figure out herself. But on the other hand I feel like personally you can't let your own problems neglect your friendships with others.
