Is it too late for me and my best friend?
Hello
Overall I've dealt with trust issues and extreme lack of willpower which doesn't help when I overthink. I bring up serious discussions so much that it makes my best friend reach his breaking point. We do everything together and I mean everything: we go to the dentist go to the gym hang out at each other's house go to church, travel the world, go to concerts together. I do truly believe he loves me. I wish I didn't overthink and always make myself believe that he's going to replace me. We're both pretty pacifist except when these thoughts come to light and it brings way to many discussions that they become fights. He's dealt with anger issues before even if they're small I can tell that I make them extremely upset when I say these things. These fights don't happen often but it's been 4 years and I feel like I'm still the same person. He tries to teach me and states that he wants me to learn and become a better person.
Lately this was our recent fight.
I see him get happy with other people and I asked him what I can do so he can be happy with me and he says he is happy because of me and sometimes I do believe it because I have seen it with my own eyes. But there was an occasion where he would come home so happy because of a particular coworker and I felt that I didn't make him as happy as I co-worker did because he started treating me way nicer that day. I couldn't help but feel distrust and hopelessness. I wish to make him happy how they made him happy. Distrust has brought him to the breaking point to where he shuts that he loves me and that I'm his best friend. I believe him because nobody would fight that hard for something they don't care about and I hate being such a crybaby for everything. We're all I just want was to make him so happy to where he acts different and kind. He says says that I do make him happy.
Although I believe it's not to the point that he was happy that day (he was kinder that day, asking me questions about my day which is rare) with that other person. Him acting different made me feel like I wasn't enough. At least I wanted him to be that happy person he was that day but on his own without that other person having an impact on him. It makes him so mad when I ask him what I can do that other people do to make him love me more. It gets him incredibly mad because he says that I do make him happy and it's like to slap on the face cuz I don't believe him.
But he's not the same it's like that person pulls his heart strings or something.
I know I sound crazy, and probably extremely nagging but I try my best to keep these feelings inside until I can't anymore. I fight myself all the time asking myself "will I ever be enough to make him happy like that" or was he just happy that day because hes excited about a new kinship at work and I'm over reacting.
The saddest part is that I asked if that person replaced me already and he got so mad that he hit me and I hit him back which has never happened and I'm scared that this is just too far gone. Looking back as I'm writing this I have to change asap because I've really dismantled his patience and kindness for me because of all of my issues. Overall we have an amazing time together always except when I overthink and then he has to bring me to a better position which has obviously made him reach his breaking point. Any suggestions?
@DAYBYDAY247 I think you are too worried about how he makes you feel. You should just be yourself, act however YOU want to act, and make yourself happy. If he treats you badly for doing what makes you happy, or acting how you want to act, then maybe it's time for you to find the next chapter in your life and stop clinging on.
Another side of it could be that actually he really does love you for who you are, and he gets frustrated when you are having doubts. And you having doubts is the reason he isn't as happy. You shouldn't compare yourself to how he acts around other people. Everyone is going to have different relationships, and you should actually feel happy that your best friend is having fun with other people. I know jealousy is hard to overcome, but if your friend is still making you happy, then what's wrong with him having other friends that make him happy too?
Maybe you are scared he doesn't like you anymore and he will replace you with these new friends? Well if that really is the case, he isn't worth your time anyway. But from what I've read, he spends a lot of his time with you, and you have nothing to worry about.
Overall to me it sounds like you are focused on the wrong person. Your friend doesn't need you to make him happy, you already make him happy by just being you. What you need to change your focus to is making YOURSELF happy.
Yes thank you so much for taking the time to respond to this.
I'm beyond greatful. You see, it's never gotten this bad and it usually does seem that he wants the best for me through his actions. Overall I believe that we both got some work to do and thank you for that last message about being Myself and also not worrying about others making him happy, because he actually did tell me that exact line "you make me happy just by being you" I should not trust my negative thoughts and keep pushing forward. I do agree I rely on how he makes me feel more than how I make myself feel. So I will try and not focus on happiness through him but through myself. And yeah he does spend so much time with me. We went to go get haricuts today and are good for now later on we're getting pizza. I'm truly ashamed for doubting him. As he's never left my side. I just hope and pray that I don't forget this whenever my doubts come back once again. I need to focus on my will power to end these thoughts and be able to not act on them.
