I thing I've lost all my best friends

I've been going through a lot recently. I've made friends on a online virtual reality game vrchat. I've been on vrc for about 5 months. I've been having a lot of fun. I made some really awesome friend even got pretty close. It been going great for a good while. I Started to get depressed and getting anxiety. I start massage my friend while anxious and letting my feelings out. And opening up to people in vrc. For the next few weeks in been getting worse. Before you know I started losing friends one after the other. I've been such a mess trying to figure what happened. I choose to leave discord and vrc because I just cant take this anymore. I'm so lost. Everything was so great then I fell apart and ruined everything again. I've been dealing with losing friend like this for over 20 years. Why do I get so depressed like this to the point I cant handle it. It dont go away. Just want to be myself but i cant I change and everyone leaves. This loop is killing me inside. For wants in my life can this stop.