Lonely With Them
So, I know this is absolutely on me and my emotions. But I'm struggling and just need somewhere to vent this out.
I'm Not good at making and maintaining friendships. I can count the number of close friends on one hand. Two of those close friends I live with. They are also married. They're also the only ones that are close enough to spend time with not on Skype.
Where I run into the problems is that... lately spending time with them makes me feel even longer than when I'm alone. Like... it hurts watching them talk and be happy and feeling like I'm just... an accessory.
But the thing is that I know they don't think of me that way and they've reassured me but I can't STOP thinking this way and I feel like the world's worst friend because I bounce between happy and miserable and furious because my mind won't stop waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Yes, I've been to therapy, but a change of insurance has complicated things so I have to figure that out before I can go back.
@impartialJay8528
so sorry you feel lonely with your friends. I'm sure your therapist can help. we offer counseling here as well
@impartialJay8528
I swear I could have written this myself. This is exactly my experience, and has been my whole life. I know how much it absolutely sucks and how even worse it is to feel like we do this to ourselves. I am so sorry you experience / struggle with this as well. I know it's not much, but just know that I can 1000% relate and at least here, you aren't alone.
@impartialJay8528 If it makes you feel any better, I think most people can count the number of their close friends on one hand! That's why they're so special. Imagine having even as many as 6 close friends - spilling your guts to another person 6 times, 6 different people sharing their innermost thoughts with you - sounds exhausting!