Lost a friend

So everything I was so afraid of happening the entire time I known this person has happened. I knew this friend for over a year, this friend I had met, we met off bff app where you can make new friends back in 2020. I think it was exciting to meet this new person and the person wanted to know more about me and my life and seemed to want me apart of his life. He introduced me to many of his friends and we had some good times together. At one point when there were gaps of not communicating he said to me: he wanted a better relationship with me and I would have like to been best friends with him. I also even looked up to him saw him as an older bro. He sometimes was very curious about my life and wanted me to invite him to meet people I knew in my life outside his circle.

However I felt we had few things in common and we were really different and have different lives and different stages in our lives too. I always didn’t invite him to some stuff cause I felt he wouldn't click with some people but I think he wanted to meet more women through me which may have been why he became friends with me. I think in 2021 something had changed in him and there definitely was issues going on with him since he’s always struggled with being single and not having a solid gf. Also in 2021 I took things personal from him when there were times I felt excluded from him, felt ignored and there were times I felt he was passive aggressive and sometimes he came off cold and his personality was different than most friends I’m used to being around. During 2021 I had confronted him about our friendship and why I was excluded and then few months later made him upset for being dramatic and told him he was flaky and also at the way I behaved at an outing he invited me too and got in a long text conversation that was like an argument and he even said how my vibe was cringe. We talked both those out since I believe he forgave me for those and tried to be understanding with me. I even shared very personal things to him few things I never really told anyone. There were times he showed that he cared and was being a good friend, but sometimes I had hoped for more expectations from him to be close friends but felt disappointed at times. One time he asked me in person why I didn’t invite him to my birthday which I didn’t realize he wanted to celebrate considering how he is.

I think there was always a lot going on with him and many things he didn’t want to tell me. What completely made him unfriend me, unfollow me and I think block me on social media was I texted him about his personal life which I regret trying to reach out to him about but I was trying to show my concern. I ran into one of his friends and I hung out with one of his close friends recently whose his coworker and this close friend of his is someone I’ve ended up becoming more closer to, I felt my expectations and close friendship I wanted shifted to his friend than the first friend since his friend has invited me to his house, I know his girlfriend and met his whole family but with first friend didn’t have those kind of experiences happen and I had more in common with his friend and his friend had a personality I enjoyed being around more and his friend was always more welcoming. At one point during the end of 2021 I was going to focus with his friend than him until first friend texted me “happy new year (my name)” which came to a surprise to me and I appreciated that. So I guess he still wanted to continue to have me in his life until just recently…

So I heard from one of his friends I ran into another night and his close friend/coworker about a girl he was supposedly dating, they both seen the girl he was supposedly with and how attractive she was. I didn’t see first friend in person since September and there were times I tried to invite him to things and suggest things for us to do but he usually already had plans or didn’t really follow back on my ideas. When I was hanging out with his close friend/coworker recently I wanted first friend to be with us but I didn’t invite him and hoped our friend would and that he would come through him but he told him he was too tired to come, I wonder would he have came if I actually invited him. So when I was with our friend he told me a lot of details about a girl he was dating. So I reached out to him by text to show that I cared but I didn’t approach it the right way I feel and he pretty much denied what I was told by his friend. I looked nosy and I said I was sorry for being intrusive and said I wanted to hear it from him was the last thing I sent and what was read. I think he took offense to it and took it personal since it was about his dating life which I believe was very private to him and I guess he didn’t want me to know all that.

The next day I noticed he unfollowed me and blocked me and unfriended. I was shocked, he finally decided to cut me out and doesn’t want to hear from me. He was pretty important to me but sometimes I think I had little resentment to him cause of the way he is and his personality. I probably shouldn’t have done this but I sent him a message on Facebook apologizing and also some long texts to him saying I regret what I said and saying I was wrong only because I wanted him to hear me out and have my final say. He probably won’t read them or maybe didn’t get the message since he probably blocked me. Now I feel devastated and feel more guilt tripped than ever that I ruined a friendship and kind of crossed the line but maybe it’s for the best and I deserve a true friend that appreciates me since I always felt there were times he didn’t appreciate me that much like his friend does. I might still hang out with his friend since I’ve ended up close to him but if I end up coming across first friend it would definitely be awkward and hope he won’t be bitter since it seems he holds some resentment now and clearly doesn’t like me anymore and wonder if he’ll say anything to me in person or if I should say something if we end up seeing each other somehow. It feels so hard to lose someone you thought could have been good friends with for a long time and hope I’ll be able to get over it soon but it feels hard to get over. A part of me wanted to reach out again through a different method or if one of his friends could deliver a message but I guess it’s not worth it…