My boyfriend hates my friends
So, my boyfriend hates ALL of my friends. None of my friends know how much he hates them. He's pretty much the guy every girl dreams of having, he treats me right, and he's not mean. He just hates the way my friends act, even though they all have jobs, and are doing everything they can to overcome their own problems and trials. But because I've known them a lot longer than my boyfriend, we have a lot of history, and we are our own family. My friends love the way how happy he makes me and treats me. But it's really hard to be completely happy knowing he won't be happy about me hanging out with them. I'd rather stop hanging out with them than lose him, but he's already made it clear that he's not leaving me. One of my friends I've known since second grade, and he's dating my cousin, and he and I are in a band together. But of course, my boyfriend does not want me hanging out with him. If we were going to be alone I completely understand that, but he won't even let us hang out in a group. My birthday is 10 days away and all I wanted was for my best friends and my boyfriend to be with me on my birthday but I can't even have that! So what on earth do I do??
@CookieHolix808
" I'd rather stop hanging out with them than lose him" - this is extremly alarming. I understand you love your boyfriend, but your friends were already there for you before he came up. Is kinda cold to leave your friends behind over a boyfriend, that (unfortunetly) we don't know the duration of a relationship while a friendship can last forever.
Technically your boyfriend doesn't need to like them, neither they need to like him, the issue here is he tells you who to hang or not to hang with. That's how manipulation and abusive relationships starts.
There's a difference between your partner disliking someone which is super normal, and just telling you "I hate that person so you can't hang out with them". Freedom is very important and in freedome there's also respect. If your boyfriend loves you and genuinly respects you he'll have to learn how to deal with it. He can hate them but he has to keep it to himself.
@Booklover95 Like, I understand why he's mad at my bandmate, we got into a fight but we got over it. What my boyfriend doesn't understand is that friends do fight. Even if it's something stupid. But one thing that none of my current friends or my boyfriend have ever done is lie to me, and they've never done anything to seriously hurt me. I've been trying to explain to the BF that true friends will always find something to fight about. It gives us a chance to either stay immature and cut each other out, or take a breath for a bit and then fix things. But he just thinks that it's better to not give anyone second chances once they've hurt you. He's never shown or felt compassion to anyone before, but it's something we're trying to work on.
@CookieHolix808
That doesn't make sense though.... don't partners also fight? You'll eventually argue with him and he also might do immature stuff. By that logic you shouldn't give him a second chance.
Maybe I'm being too harsh but again your boyfriend doesn't need to understand or like them , is your life, your choises, you're with who you want.
Just really worried me when you said you would favourite his company over friends... I see so many people do this and only leads to bad things.
I wish you the best of luck and hopefully you find the right answer.
@Booklover95
One thing I do know is that he is anything but immature. Apart from hating my friends. I know he's probably not trying to keep me from my friends because I'm not allowed to have freedom, because I'm allowed to have a job. This is his first real relationship, so I understand his thinking, I just hate it.
@CookieHolix808
That's the thing you don't need to agree with it. is your life, not his.
A real relationship in the end has alot of respect and love, you deserve that.
Anyways is your decision and your life so I hope things go well for you.
@CookieHolix808
Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;
So, my boyfriend hates ALL of my friends. None of my friends know how much he hates them. He's pretty much the guy every girl dreams of having, he treats me right, and he's not mean. He just hates the way my friends act, even though they all have jobs, and are doing everything they can to overcome their own problems and trials. (I don't think he just hates them for the way they act...this probably involve a lot of things. I'm thinking he could be uncomfortable with the fact they have their own jobs and overcoming their own trials. The way he hates them probably has other reasons as well) But because I've known them a lot longer than my boyfriend, we have a lot of history, and we are our own family. My friends love the way how happy he makes me and treats me. But it's really hard to be completely happy knowing he won't be happy about me hanging out with them. (This is a red flag here, it tells me he probably feels abandoned or insecure when you hang out with them, and not him. A confident and secure men would actually be happy you are hanging out with your friends while saying "Honey i hope you have fun". He might be internalizing as you caring more about them, and wanting to hang out with them more than him.) I'd rather stop hanging out with them than lose him, (This is a bad mindset, you rather stop hanging out with friends you have known longer than lose him?, it wouldn't have been fair to your friends. This tells me you are terrified of abandonment or being alone) but he's already made it clear that he's not leaving me. One of my friends I've known since second grade, and he's dating my cousin, and he and I are in a band together. But of course, my boyfriend does not want me hanging out with him. (He is being controlling here, your boyfriend is not supposed to tell you who you can hang out with and whom you can't. This is another red flag, it shows he has controlling and manipulative tendencies) If we were going to be alone I completely understand that, but he won't even let us hang out in a group. (He is trying to isolate you from him from something personal, but you could hang out with your friends.) My birthday is 10 days away and all I wanted was for my best friends and my boyfriend to be with me on my birthday but I can't even have that! So what on earth do I do?? (Your boyfriend is obviously behaving like a child, barking order of people he doesn't want you to hangout etc, this type of people are usually passive-agressive and will often want to control certain things for their own reasons. You should have your birthday with all of them, if he won't come to your birthday, then it his loss. You shouldn't enable his behavior by doing what he wants on times like this, you should have set proper boundaries because he is not supposed to tell you who you can't hang out with.)