Tmi Severely depressed close friend asking me to do questionable things
Hey;;! So I've made a close friend this year who was the first one I've ever opened up to and trusted but just recently I've went overseas for vacation and now they say their mind is playing with them and forcing them to in a way have to have sex with me (a day before this theirmind made him send an image of me inunderwear to them). If these tasks weren't completed their mind would force them into self harm and suicidal thoughts again; though I had convinced them not to attempt such things before.
please help I'm really stuck I don't want to do them but I want them alive but if I want them alive I have to do them...;;
any advice is helpful ;;! Thank you
Hey onyro. I am so sorry to hear of your friend's threat of suicide and self-harm. It seems as if you friend might be "playing" you to get what he wants. Please know that you are never obligated to do or say anything that may be controversial for you. Regardless of the threats, you should never compromise your morals or beliefs. That, having been said, your friend may do bad things to himself regardless of your ability to comply to his requests. When people try to manipulate others, they tend to play on the emotions of others. You, acknowledging your friendship with him kindly, have set the stage for him to play to your emotions because he knows that you do not want him to hurt himself. These threats may be serious ones. I do not know. However, I do feel that you should not do anything that you are not comfortable with for anyone. I am sorry I could not be of more help to you. Best wishes <3
Thanks for giving advice! (: they have said they would hurt themselves until it reaches a point where it'd become too much and they'd kill themselves ..;
i am extremely confused since if I do not comply I will lose them or they will be gone and I'm unsure if that's a worth enough choice to make.
Thanks for the advice cindy sue! (': it truly helped me think about the reality of it. <3 best wished to you too
By hurting themselves it's quotably their mind making them do so, and quotably also why they want to do such things ;/
You may find it helpful to read about healthy relationship and health relationship boundaries to get some ideas for how to handle this difficult situation. It may help too to read about how some people have chosen to respond to loved ones threatening suicide or self harm. It shows up semi-frequently in articles about abuse and domestic violence, and while you may not feel your relationship is abusive, such articles may have some ideas for how you can handle those threats.
One way to handle a threat like this is to try to find a middle ground. This means you try to find a solution where both You and They are cared for. This might look this:
- Saying no to their requests and actions that make you feel uncomfortable. "I know things are hard and scary for you right now, but it's not okay for you to send me thse tings any more. They make me really uncomfortable and I don't want to see/hear them."
- Also taking their threats seriously and helping them find support for their feelings/thoughts and help staying safe: "I am really worried about you though. I want you to be safe, and I know if you don't send me these things you wont be safe. Can I help you call a hotline or can you stay with someone else or can you go to the ER tonight if you are going to kill yourself? You mean a lot to me and just because I don't want to you to act on these thoughts/feelings that make me uncomfortabledoesn't mean I don't care about you deeply. I really want you to be safe."
I can only imagine how hard this must be to have them demand such uncomfortable things from you, and put such a high risk on any attempt by you to speak up for yourself in a manner than lessens their exprsesions. Hang in there, and let us know if there is any way we can support you with a listenening ear, brainstorming, and further resources. I hope this gets a bit easier soon.
Hey! Thanks for suggesting, after reading up on the healthy relationships and friendships topic i only just realised they have suggested numerous things such as me sharing my social account passwords. They have invaded my privacy fewtimes too and doesn't really give us space or me time to do something by Myself without them. They also don't support me whenever I do mention my dreams of working overseas or chasing careers that I want or overall just growing up and becoming busier or forgetting about them.
SORRY that was big!;
They don't agree to finding a middle ground I have tried and they've said it's either they died from self harm from their mind or I agree. After I do say no or say I do not want to do so They immediately mute me out and don't talk to me..; I will try to alliterate myself like you exemplified the next time I find a right moment to bring it up.
Thank you for your deep understanding and sympathy (:!
I'm really glad it helped to mention that. It certainly seems like there are many hard parts of this relationship, and that they aren't respecting your wishes or words very much right now. It sounds like you have a lot you're thinking about and taking in right now, so I won't say much here, but if there is more you want to talk about, or ask about, or more resources you'd like helpp finding...you have this whole thread, and the community of listeners here as well. :)
One note: if you find sometime when you try to speak up for yourself and articulate your needs that they are threatening suicide in an immediate sense, and you feel their life is in danger, or they are saying or showing that they want to take their life right now, you always have the option of calling emergency services (911). Even if it turns out it was just a threat, calling emergency services shows how seriously you take their threats and how much you value their life. It also puts the task of saving their life into the proper hands - emergency responders and your friend, not you. It is not your responsibility, nor is it fair for you to be forced into doing things you can't/don't want to in order to save their life.
It sounds like a very stressful and difficult time in your relationship with them . I wish you the best. Let us know how we can support you, and we'll do our best.
Thank you for the continuous understanding (:!
I'm unsure if I can do so as 1 I am overseas right now and am not sure if I could contact our home country's emergency number,and also do not know their address. And 2 if I do tell them I will be calling then emergency they will become irrational and attempt to kill or severely harm themselves right that second.
Thanks for the great replies (:
