ToXocai Friends Aren't Easy to Get Away From
WARNING: Mentions of self h*rm and s*icide. I don't know if triggers are a problem here, but I just want to make sure no one gets upsetted.
I have a 'friend' who I know is very bad for me. For here, I'll call him Jake. (Sorry to all the Jakes out there, I'm sure you're great but it's the first name that came to mind) Jake is offensive, rude, insensitive, unempathetic, crude, vulgar, uncaring, manipulative, and selfish. He's one of those people that hurts you (emotionally at least) and then calls himself all of these negative and self-deprecating things to try to get you to forgive him. I'm one of the few people that stays by his side because he threatens su*cide if I were to leave.
I used to date Jake for a summer. At first it was fine, but he was very clingy and too physical for me, so after a lot of working up the confidence, I broke up with him, but we stayed friends for his sake. He CONSTANTLY talks about su*cide and says that he c*ts, and I take it seriously. Though, that is kind of difficult when he lies ALL THE TIME. According to him, he can spit acid at will, has gotten st*bbed several times, (despite the fact that he lives in a small town where stuff like that doesn't happen) can't feel pain, and can RESURRECT THE DE*D. So yeah, obviously it's difficult to believe him, considering that isn't even the complete list.
Jake makes jokes and references to su*cide all the time, and it seems that whenever me and the rest of our friends are having fun it makes him even angrier and he gets even more intense with the 'I wanna d*e thing.' Look, I know su*cide is serious, and that's why he pisses me off. He treats it like it isn't nearly as drastic of a thing as it is.
Recently, him and another friend of mine, (uh let's go with) Samantha broke up, and she didn't stay friends with him like I did. She broke it off like most people recommend, saying she didn't want to talk anymore and explaining why when Jake asked. And boy did that not go well. He threw a fit, told all of us that she called him worthless and all this other stuff (he sent screenshots of the chats, literally proving himself wrong) and saying that he was going to hurt himself. I did like usual, and got very professional trying to help him. I didn't take sides, I was kind, and asked him to slow down and think. Instead, he sent me a graphic description of what was happening as he c*t, calling it 'orgasmic.' He did this knowing that I had c*t myself in the past, and I just had to block him for a moment because I didn't want to go into a panic attack.
Obviously, I need to get away. But I saw what happens when someone tries, and considering I'm a lot closer to Jake than Samantha was, I'm worried he's actually k*ll himself. It feels like there's no escape, how do I get away?
@Whyro
I think there is of course a lot of empathy and the need to help and do your best, which I can understand and know can be difficult to look over and do different things, like distancing from that negative influence.
But it's understandably coming at the cost of your own safety and health, which shows that there is a problem, because it's a problem when it's affecting you and yet you seem to still be around that person who is harming you.
I think if you knew how to cut contact, you would, of course. Stating the obvious you find it difficult to cut off contact and maybe that comes from a lack of acceptance and understanding that this is really seriously affecting your mental health and isn't good for you. Now adding into the mix a person who threatens Suicide doesn't help at all, but, but there needs to be an acceptance of the fact that you have helped him all you can and done all you can and now it might come at the cost of your own sanity, which I don't know if you are sure of risking or not.
If I had a friend who turned to dirty tactics by threatening Suicide and I found it difficult to cut contact with them, therapy would be my best bet. It might help me see things clearly and that I shouldn't have to be the one saving him because I can't, he needs different help and professional help, and his behaviour is affecting me.
If I ever came to the point of accepting that it's best to cut contact and was then able to do it. I would write this "Hi. I have decided that it's best not to communicate anymore, and I would like if you respected that and didn't try to talk to me again. I think you need help if you feel Suicidal, which I can't clearly provide. " Might also help telling someone who is close to them about the seriousness of the situation.
@Rivelino3
Thanks. I'm doing my best to make sure that things work out the absolute best they can for the both of us. I appreciate your advice!
