What is friendship? Because I think I have the wrong idea
This is my first time posting on this site, but I don't know where else to ask. Just as background, I was diagnosed with GAD 12 years ago and have been on and off medications. I've tried talk therapy three times with varying results.
My question, what is friendship, is genuine because I think I must have the wrong idea about it. At 41, I'm able to look back and see that all my friendships since childhood have always been one-sided. I am always the one to suggest getting together for lunch, something fun or to just hang out. The other person never asks me to do the same, but they seem to enjoy themselves once we're together - or they act like they do? I enjoy buying little gifts for my friends when I see something I know they'll love, or I text and ask, "I'm getting food - do you want something?" I don't do these things to get something in return but....it would be nice for people to want to be around me?
I'm very Hufflepuff. If I think of you as a friend, I'm loyal. I told my most recent therapist I thought I must be too clingy because every friend has ended up dropping me, and she said, "There you go! You've admitted you have a problem!" But why is it a problem to want to be acknowledged by someone you care about?
So, what is friendship and how can I change my idea of it since I'm clearly doing something wrong?
@Kemara24 Friendship is a difficult thing. Unfortunately, sometimes people get so used to a relationship being a certain way (such as one person always being the one to say hi) that they don't necessarily think of trying to contact that other person first. It becomes something sometimes where they feel that the other person will talk to them when they want to talk. It doesn't mean that the friendship is one sided, just that they may have not thought about being the first one to say something. It is probably a good thing to bring up with a friend. At least that is what I heard a speech on once and it made a great deal of sense.
People generally don't have time for friendship, not as adults anyway. And their daily lives (jobs, kids, etc) are so much of a burden that they can't be bothered with someone else's problems. It's superficial when they do the whole friend thing, I think.
@Phthalo
I have the same problem. I've tried very hard to maintain friendships: ask people to do things, reach out just to say hi or acknowledge special events, help friends when I know they are struggling. And as much as I do these things because I want to, I can't help but feel hurt when I don't see some of the same in return. A few years ago I felt particularly hurt over a few things in these friendships so I decided that i would not invest so much effort. Big mistake, I have no friends now at all. Recently I won 10 free concert tickets and I can't even get 1 other person to go with me. It sucks, it hurts alot.
