am i annoying yet?
i take friendship seriously and im not comfortable hanging out with people im not close with even if it means i could end up with more friends tho not on a deep level of friendship, which is the problem. i avoid people that i dont think i could be extremely close friend with regardless if he/she is a good person. to be harsh, i find it meaningless. im just that annoyingly deep person, that everything has to be meaningful. but at the same time, im disappointed at how closed off i am. people do enjoy having me around, but im not very accepting of others. as if im scared of new people wholl enter my life.
im not confident on any new friendship thats coming, that im gonna be disappointed for putting all these efforts just to be hurt. to make it worse, i often went mia on texts or reply very rarely because texting makes me feel uneasy(please anyone who understand this tell me that im not alone). one of the reason why people think i dont care about them and we just slowly drifted apart. i do have very good friends but regardless that doesnt stop me from feeling lonely and sad of the potential friendship that i could have built with someone new because i unconsciously drew a line between us at some point. why am i torturing myself.
@yomiyammie
Hello, although you say you're a close doff person, I'm glad you took the initiative and write and describe everything here. Opening up is the first thing you need to do to find friends. Describing your problem here says that, if I'm guessing right that you want to change things up. So you need to open up sometimes be vulnerable, find the strength to trust others etc
Start small. Trust issues need trust to be solved. Trust someone for something small and not important, then go bigger and bigger as you go. That's how you gain trust. You feel comfortable sharing stuff and such.
Life without trusted friends is a lonesome life. That's why you're feeling lonely. Because the lack of trust and security. But besides that, the biggest trust should be trusting yourself. How about that? What's your relationship with yourself? Are you trusting you in order to trust others? Do an introspection.
Best of luck.