fading from friends

so like in the past, i've had a lot of fake friends who were really toxic and brought me down to my lowest point and i felt so lonely around them and would try so hard to fit in. luckily now, i have better friends but sometimes i feel lonely and scared. like even some of my close friends have moved away and i've faded with them and it just really sucks. also this has also happened in the past, but i feel like in every friend group there's a friend who i'm just not as close with as our other mutual friends, like we're on good terms and all but it'll just be awkward if it's just us two but like around our other friends they seem so different and it just really bothers me and makes me feel insecure. like maybe i'm overthinking it but i've had such a hard past so i guess i kinda still have trust issues. like i know friends come and go but for me i feel like it always happens to the ppl who i really get attached to or have a special bond with them and it just really sucks.