why aren
a few week ago me and my friend(j) got into an argument. i accused him of not caring and when he proved he did, i threw another friend(f) under the bus for saying that he planted the idea in my head because he off handedly mentioned how j acts like he cares about no one. i also mentioned how everyone told me to drop him and i guess he assumed it was f who said it all.
when f apologized to j he brought this up. eventually i told j that f wasnt one of the people who told me to drop him. it was other people. he seemed mad until i told him who they were then he seemed content with pretending nothing happened
i apologized to everyone saying it was my fault for over reacting, for being paranoid and thinking j doesnt like me. instead of getting mad, they all just said its your fault but youre not to blame instead they blamed themselves. f for saying what he said and j for distancing himself from me.
but it really is my fault. im the one who told j that f said those things because i didnt want him to get mad for me confronting him about pushing me away. im the one who told f to apologize to j for what he said. im the one who escalated the situation by telling him about the 3 who told me to drop him. im really confused. why arent they angry? why is everyone pretending i did nothing wrong?
it feels like every time i do something bad they instantly forgive me. i just want them to be mad. it hurts more knowing theyre mad at themselves instead.
@Myshi
We're all human and we make mistakes. From what you've said it sounds like you admitted all your mistakes to everyone that you had impacted and already apologized for it. People get mad when they feel you don't understand or accept what you did wrong. They get insecure that you might do it again and that's when emotions come into play.
I feel perhaps the fact that you tried your best to correct the situation you messed up and owned up to your mistakes, was the reason people were able to move on from what happened. If this is how you usually react to moments where for whatever reason you do something wrong and admit it, apologize for it and try to fix it, that might explain why people forgive you!
@0m but why was j mad that f tried to ruin my friendship with him? f apologized and he was still angry at him, but when he found out that i basically did the same thing as f, j didnt even get mad, not for a second. the only time he got mad at me is when i refused to tell him who told me to drop him.
@Myshi
Maybe ask j? If he feels that he can't be angry at you for something someone else planted then that's his choice but it's good to know why he wasn't mad from his perspective directly.
