1 year since breakup irony
I'm not going into the details, I've posted enough on this app lol, but I just wanted to see if you anyone thinks my "feelings" are reasonable. Basically, my ex gfs parents judged me for not being a spoiled 23 year old, and being too busy for a relationship, especially during the middle of a pandemic. They said I'd live off their daughter. Her father is a doctor, and his father spoiled him by just paying for his med school. I'm 26 in January.
I am about to start my first home health SALARY job as a physical therapist assistant at $70,000 a year. And I also can see a few extra patients after my shifts or on the weekends at 45-50$/hour/visit. We shared the same career goals in physical therapy, and she's now in the same program I was in but in a different school.
I did promise her I'd pay her back when "I wasn't a poor college student", but i do want to send her parents the like $200 they spent on a "surprise birthday dinner" they had for me at a steak house. (Mind you, they know I hate fancy ***, and never even asked me what I'd like for my birthday....in the middle of COVID...again...her father is a doctor.)
I would like to send her the 600-800$ or so to her Venmo and say "Promised I'd pay you back at Chili's when I wasn't a poor college student. Everything I couldn't afford to show/give. The itemized list is in your email."
And in the email I'd also like to add the following including a itemized list of the flowers, chocolates, etc that I couldn't afford to give her during the relationship:
"you're probably in the thick of it rn, it sucks, but it's worth it. You got this. Don't take anything under 80k your first 3 months after you pass the boards exam. Home health, I'm just a little biased lol. Good luck. You're gonna need it. God knows we all did.
- F & A,
Space number (F & A is forever and always, and space number was a term we would use as "I love you")
And also send her parents and check in the mail with the money and say "Just because I couldn't afford to show it, doesn't mean your daughter wasn't the most important person in the world to me next to *her autistic sister*. Some of us are just self made."
Am I being a ***? They said I'd live off her because I couldn't "just ask my parents for a car", and because I didn't pay for dates I couldn't afford. I was honest with her and said something along the lines of "you're lucky if you get McDonald's before I'm done with school."
She was in a new relationship with someone 4 months later and gave me the runaround about how she didn't replace me etc.
The last time I saw her was January 8th 2023. 4 days after my 25th bday. And now.....1 year later.... January 8th 2024....is the first day of my new salary position as a home health physical therapist assistant. Idk if that's God, or the universe, but it's so ironic.
Am I being a ***? Do I have the right to feel this way?
@toughPapaya1551,
just let it be.
You know what you established, you know who you are and what you have to offer.
Just let it be.
@toughPapaya1551 You have the right to feel the way you do. Don’t kick at the cactus that gave you thorns yesterday.
That "some of us are just self made" sentence feels a bit like actively trying to create a remorseful situation amongst them and differentiating yourself rather than trying to be nice. If you're going for a stabby note leave it in but otherwise I'd say you come across like you pitty yourself more than you are trying to show you cared. You're allowed to feel bitter like that but whether to include that in a supposed reimbursement email seems questionable.
I'd consider what outcome you expect and if you wish to come across how you do. Of course I don't know the people and they might not understand your note the same way I did. The parents do sound rude. Personally though I think a relationship is primarily with the person and not the family. Also the relationship should probably stay in the past for your sake as it sounds very uneven. I'm not sure why you'd show them you kept them in mind for that long. Of course it's your image so returning the money can be fine but it is a bit weird especially the surprise birthday reimbursement. I'd not exactly say your the bad guy though unless you're fishing for some outcome.
I'm thinking of just sending it to my ex and specifying what portion is for her parents. I'm gonna take the self made part out. They do just *** me off and always have. They're so entitled
I also agree to just leave it. Take that money and invest in charity, self care, or something else that will make you happy. Trust me, it's not a good dynamic to send people money without prior arrangements. Shallow people will always be shallow, and they will just find the next thing to criticize.
Focus all that energy on yourself and your clients. The biggest flex will be when you're top of your game in the area for PT.
Btw, you don't owe her anything. You don't owe her the dates and the flowers you "couldn't afford back then". When people date you, it is for who you are, as you are. You knew back then, and know right now that you're worth way more than what your paycheck is. By the way, I don't think she deserves the good luck either, and considering it's coming with money and a note to her parents, it will further serve to be conflicting and kind of off putting.
