Abusive Past Relationship

@limegreenPeach4076

Have you considered just like you said ... when you find normal as stale maybe a bit boring.. 

 You used the word uncomfortable so when it gets stale you start to relive or bring up past issues and want  reassurance that you are not a problem with your current relationship.   Perhaps that creates just enough friction  to calm you, short term.  This will grow tiring for your partner. 

Imagine being in their shoes how long would you be patient and understanding.  You do not want to go back but you may not want to let go. 

 You are strong you got away from your abuser you started over.  Do not play the role of victim if you want to let your past go and judge your current relationship based on itself not as a comparison to the trauma you CAN do that.    

@limegreenPeach4076,

it's good to have a supporting and understanding partner.

Having said that, all relationships have tough periods. If one partner has been through traumatic experiences, there's always a risk that situations occur that trigger that trauma and you might not being able to distinguish between now and the past. And ,unconsciously, take it out on your current partner. I've been there (things happened and my ex with a history of trauma, sort of, not on purpose, took it out on me. 

I highly recommend EMDR. With the right therapist,  it helps to deal with trauma. Trauma can't be fixed or undone but there are ways to deal with it in a healthy way so it doesn't run your life when things get tough.

Also, take time for yourself, claim space in a healthy way so you can have alone time when you feel like it. Be aware to let your partner know "I need some alone time,  it's not you, it's not personal". 

@limegreenPeach4076

Hello and welcome to 7 Cups!

Your past relationship, as you said, being toxic and chaotic, but when you are with a dangerous person and/or in an unsafe environment, it can make you feel some "adrenaline rush" and the bad news is that could have made you feel "high", and it can be very addictive.

You can find yourself in a paradox of a classic trap of: "A bad relationship is good for me, because it's what I am familiar with, and a good relationship is not good for me, because it puts me into the dangers of unknown".

Also, you could have felt like not deserving a good life, if your self-esteem were low. For example, if members of your family or your past partners showed you no love and didn't treat you like a unique and valuable person.

I think it's all about changing the chemistry in your brain from the "I fight for survival" mode to "I am looking for a honest, deep, emotional connection" attitude.

I believe it can take time for you to learn the new patterns. Do you think that talking to a therapist on that could be beneficial? To remove the old, toxic relationship patterns from your life, and help to reinforce the foundations of a healthy relationship patterns...