Advice?
I’ve been with my boyfriend 4 and a half years. In that time we’ve dealt with just so much but always managed to come out stronger. However, lately I feel like no matter how hard I try, I feel I always end up pushing him further away mostly because I feel ignored or lonely. It’s literally not his fault or problem and I’m aware of this yet I can’t help but feel like I’m dragging him down with it all and I’m constantly telling him I need space to figure it out.
I’m worried I’m getting to the point where the space doesn’t end and i won’t be able to repair the damage caused. I just can’t figure out why I feel the need to push him away when he’s truly the only person in my life that means something to me.
The most bizarre thing is that almost immediately after saying I need space, he’s the one I want to talk to about taking space from my boyfriend and what to do about it.
I’m not sure if anyone can help me I think it might help just to get it off my chest but if anyone does have any kind of advice, I’d really appreciate it. Thanks
@OxfordBlue
i do not think you have the idea/ thought about why you need space... when we ask for space and then not sure what we need to go through to resolve. for example i too asked for space in the last year and yet nothing is better because i was thinking i could resolve a issue that takes both of us to fix.
I am not sure if the disconnect i have had can be fixed and space and time will not change that...
i need to speak up and really ask for what i need or want.......not hope that playing stay away he will fix issues or magically know what i am missing...
You say when you are away you want to talk to him as your friend about the space.... DO you talk to him ask him where you both are in this?
I think people get into a state of not really knowing what they want ... do they want to take from BF to spouse and wonder why it is taking so long? or perhaps we have the idea this is NOT what we want long term but we have been together for 4 years so how do i explain this is not going to work ? .... even though we have invested for a long time. some simply do not want to walk away because they think of the time loss and starting over what if this is the best option ... and if i try to get what truly fills me and cant find it this person who is a close second may be off the market....?
find your why you want space the real why and you can solve it.
