Advice or opinions pls
I’m a lesbian and I was in a relationship with this girl about 4 years ago, we broke up and went no contact, then about 2 years ago she reached out to see how I was doing and we ended up meeting a couple of days which was really nice but she ended up saying that she thinks it’s not clever if we see each other anymore (idk why she said that bc it seemed like the connection was there and we were having a really nice time) and we’ve been no contact again after that. I think about her a lot and I thought with time it would get better but it’s not, I’m just driving myself insane. It’s really hard because our connection was so strong and I just keep hoping to see her again. I wasn’t really able to date after her bc I just end up looking for her in everyone else and she told me she had the same when I saw her 2 years ago…
I really don’t know what to do and I have no one to speak to about this, I have loads of unsent messages to her in my notes app, idk if messaging her would make things better or worse bc I’m scared she might just not answer or if she rejects me or something bc that would just break me, idk why it’s getting worse idk if it’s ocd thoughts or smth and there were ofc both good and bad in the relationship but it just feels like we belong together…
If anyone has been through something similar or any advice/opinions on this will be really appreciated because I really don’t know what to do anymore
@sarahyp87 Wow, it sounds like you’re carrying a lot right now. I can hear how strong your connection with her was and how much it’s affecting you. It makes sense that you’re feeling stuck and unsure what to do—anyone in your situation would probably feel the same. Writing down your feelings like you’re doing shows you’re trying to process it, which is really healthy. I’m not sure what the right next step is, but maybe talking to someone you trust or a counselor could help you feel a bit more clarity and relief. You’re not alone in feeling like this.
Thank you so much for this and yeah that’s a good idea
@sarahyp87
Having experienced something similar myself, and observed similar situations among others, my impression is that pursuing someone that's no longer interested, can lead to very negative feelings, and some people even find it frightening. If there is a chance of reuniting in the future, it can be destroyed by persistent unsolicited communication.
You are correct, OCD may play a role in your feelings.
Something else to consider is that it's not at all unusual to sense in others, characteristics that are part of ourselves rather than them. It's often called "projection." For example, an honest person might believe they are seeing evidence of honesty in someone else, when in fact the other person really isn't honest. Another way of saying it is they are projecting their honesty onto the other person.
Is it possible, in this case, that you are finding things to love in this other person and feeling that sense of connection because you are perceiving aspects of yourself that may not actually be there? If that's the case, maybe she is not the person you believe her to be. Instead, you are the kind of person that you wish that she was. So, are you looking for her in others, or the most precious parts of yourself?
It's been said that one way of getting to know yourself is to look for things to admire in others. You can't recognize those things unless they exist, at least as potential, within you.
From what I gather, you are a very good person who deserves a relationship in which there is mutual attraction.
Wow, this really made me think in a way I hadn’t really before. What you say makes a lot of sense, I’m really gonna think about the points you made especially if I’m actually just looking for parts of myself in others instead of her.. thank you so much for this I appreciate it a lot
Im no therapist and I know I cannot help you in that way but I will say I am going through a similar situation not exact but similar in the way you feel about her I would love to talk comunícate and maybe we can become friends I feel maybe it will bring me peace in knowing I’m not the only one and I hope maybe I could do the same for you
That’s a nice idea, I’m down to being friends. How do I private message you?
