A front that could be a prince?

Tigger warning abuse

I never wanted to call my last relationship abusive. I had happy time like everyone else. It was abusive the entire time I was in it. I never felt manipulated or pressured. 

I was abused financially I was abuse verbally when he got mad. 

Then I got abused physically when he got on drugs years later. (Just hitting.) I got hit so bad one time I had a black eye and had everyone at work asking me what happened. I didn’t lie at all I told the truth. 

My question today is how did any of you recover from this? Was it therapy that helped? Was it just talking to friends? Was it doing things you love to do? I feel I’m so ready. I don’t want to do dating apps or anything. I just feel sorta stuck between recovering and letting go. 

I’ve come so far in healing in 5 years. I still feel like I can’t get into any normal relationship. The one I would love to be with is probably also toxic. I can’t really tell he is not being honest. So I feel like I can’t be my honest self. I feel suffocated inside I want to express so much. I feel it will do no good if he wants to string me along. If he just wants to hang around someone else. Then he tries to pull feelings out of me. (I know that’s not how it works.)

Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.