Ahhh
Hey, I’ve been really struggling tonight. In my head it’s just this constant feeling of losing her slowly. Things have gone well but she’s going through a lot right now. There’s more to the story but we’ve been really really close for months—phone calls 8-10 hours a day, video chats for hours, visiting each other a week at a time for the last three months. We’ve known each other since middle school, she’s my first love. We lost touch but reconnected in December and hit it off like nothing changed. We’ve been talking every day.
She has a boyfriend she’s leaving but feels bad for him. She’s been a user of meth for a while and recently got clean for the last three weeks—her going home is worrying me because her boyfriend is still a user and I’m afraid she’ll use again. On top of that she got pregnant and isn’t sure if it’s mine or his because she slept with him one more time right before she visited me last month.
She was here for 9 days this month and everything went well leading up to Monday when she ended up stuck here with her dogs because she couldn’t get a car rental. I feel part of that issue because I should’ve offered then to take her home. I ended up driving her to Oklahoma City for her boyfriend to pick her up and since then she’s been short with me more. We’ve had some conversations but nothing like it’s been in the past. She had this plan to move down here but now she’s questioning moving here and questioning us and everything.
It’s *** messing with my head, my gut, my heart. I love this girl so much and I’m just so *** angry right now. I’m not in a good head space. I just wanna bottle everything up and feel numbness, but at the same time I’m tired of crying.
@GhostBee69
That sounds like so much to carry all at one.. loving someone this deeply while everything feels uncertain and out of your control can feel incredibly painful. It makes sense that your heart and mind feel all over the place right now, I'm glad you reached out, you don't have to hold all of this alone.
@GhostBee69
Is she torn between her BF and you?
She says she is leaving, but many do say that to keep both people in her life. it gets messy when things happen like you giving her ride to be picked up by BF. was Bf aware of you? perhaps she is giving you the cold treatment because he is questioning her about her intentions.
it is clear she needs to choose and make changes and now if pregnant she has a time limit. She made this mess and she will treat one or both of you and bf as the problem. it is hard to not know what is going on and even if she chooses you, can you trust that to last by how she is acting.
we cannot change another person just how we deal with them.