Alone
So, I dated this guy about two years ago. We broke up over a year ago because he had a period where he wasn’t sure about his feelings. But after some time apart, he realized he really couldn’t imagine his life without me. Since then, we’ve been close friends and have slowly grown closer again. Lately, we had a tough conversation because I deal with some anxiety and past experiences that make me extra cautious about my safety — like double-checking my apartment, especially after some unsettling things in the past. It turned into one of our worst arguments, and now he says he doesn’t think we should get together anymore, even though he had planned to ask me out this autumn. He says he still cares about me but thinks it might be better for me if we don’t date. It’s confusing because I really care about him. He’s been more patient and supportive than anyone I’ve dated before, especially compared to my past relationships which weren’t healthy. I recently came back from a trip where I felt really calm and free from a lot of my usual worries, and since coming back, I’ve been feeling more overwhelmed again — maybe because that sense of peace disappeared so quickly. I’m trying to understand what’s best for both of us. If anyone has thoughts or advice, I’d appreciate hearing it.
Hey, thanks for sharing all this. I can tell how much this connection means to you, and how hard you’ve been working through your emotions.
First, your anxiety doesn’t make you unlovable or too much. Wanting to feel safe is human. You weren’t asking too much — you were just being honest about your needs.
It sounds like your argument shook both of you, and maybe he pulled away because he felt overwhelmed or unsure how to support you. That doesn’t mean he stopped caring — just that he might not know how to be there without feeling lost himself.
Coming back from a peaceful trip only to be hit with tension again would rattle anyone. Your feelings right now — the confusion, the overwhelm — they make total sense.
If you’re unsure what to do next, maybe give yourself and him some breathing room. Let things settle, then talk again honestly — if you still want to. You don’t have to figure it all out right now.
You're doing your best. Be gentle with yourself. And remember: you deserve love that honors your whole self — anxiety, caution, strength, and all. 💛
