Am I being under appreciated or expecting too much?
I have been with this woman for five years. We separated in 2021 and got back together in 2022 because she cheated. Then after we got engaged in September of 2022, she cheated again with a guy at our work and it caused her to lose her job. She begged and begged for me to stay and I did.
Over the next 2.5 years she hasn’t had a steady job and I’m left alone to pay all the bills and fulfill the adult responsibilities. She is constantly correcting me on how I do things with my life and how I do things around the house. She seemingly wants me to give up my aspirations and goals so that we can move into a trailer next door to her folks and start a family there. The trailer is run down and should be condemned. I have stood my ground on this and she becomes withdrawn and withholds affection. All the things I do I barely get a “thank you” or “I’m proud of you.” NOTHING! Just a little while back I was curious and wondered if she was proud of me for anything and her exact words were “I can’t think of anything that makes me proud of you.”
THAT WAS DEVASTATING TO ME AND SHE DIDN’T SEEM TO CARE.
I give her all the love and praise anyone could ever ask for and I do NOT feel any sort of reciprocal support or love. Not lately.
She wants kids and I told her that our current circumstances don’t have room for children. (It’s not that I don’t want children, but given the fact that we are a single income household, it would mean we would struggle financially.)
She works part time now but it is nowhere near enough to help me with the bills and such. Just tonight I took her on a spontaneous date night and called the restaurant ahead of time asking if they can leave a little message of love from me to her. They did. The evening was great but I still received no thank you or appreciation. My “advances” were rejected but that’s not what I’m upset about. I’ve been told “no” before and I’m more than capable of accepting that.
All this to ask:
Am I under appreciated, or am I in the wrong here?
Be as honest and direct as you wish.
Any input is welcome.
@Andrew21,
she's not appreciating but rather you use as a doormat. You deserve better and no, she's not gonna change.
@Andrew21
Her cheating on you at least twice. Constantly criticising you, not appreciating you and trying to force you to give up on the values and goals you believe in—all that while her living on your money, with no real sharing and co-operation.
I am sorry, but that doesn't look like "love" and partnership, but like a scenario of subjugation and exploitation.
Moving to a trailer "close to her folks" seeming like the final act of the destruction 😕
And having children with a person who mistreats you like that? Wouldn't that seal your fate, putting yourself to a trap you wouldn't be able to get out of through next 20 years?
It is your life and you're the expert on it. But I'd suggest you acting cautiously. I know that many problems that might later harass us through the half of our lives may result from hastily decisions and overly optimistic assumptions...
Have you been treated like this before by some important woman in your life?
