BF recorded our fights without me knowing
I need help. My bf and I have been fighting a lot. Its been heading towards toxic territory with our behavior towards each other when upset just getting very hurtful. We decided to work it out and have started couples therapy.
We fought today and I found out that he had 5 recordings of our arguments. Including from that today. He did it secretively. this feels very toxic to me. I cant see any reason to do that other than to use it against me later or some type of manipulation. He swears it was only to go back and see what he was doing wrong to work on us.
Am I crazy?
@jesander
I am sorry to hear about the difficult emotions you are going through because of your partner recording you and him without your permission.
For me that is a deal-breaker on several levels:
I am wrong, thinking that when two people quarrel and one of them knows the argument is being recorded, while another person does not know it - is that putting the knowing person in a favourable situation?
Do you think that people who know they are being recorded may sometimes use some acting skills and may control their actions more than just being themselves?
Do you think it is legal to record any person in any situation without this person's permission?
Do you think making that 5 times (as you said) could be more spontaneous but ill-considered, or rather deliberate and calculated?
How do you think such a behaviour of your boyfriend works for your mutual trust?
No. I believe you are certainly NOT crazy.
You know, a funny thing in a heart-breaking realities of a couple therapy is the fact that couples sometimes start to argue in front of a therapist. And that must be giving a therapist some really "live" insight. I have experienced that myself, unfortunately.
thanks for your insight. it feels like a major break of trust. I felt when finding this out that it's probably a deal breaker, but I was doubting my interpretation on this. Im just so heart broken that he did this. He blew up the relationship over this.