Be Brave
The other night I saw someone post in one of these.. what are they.. threads? They mentioned that they struggle with journaling whether it be a notebook (pen + paper) AND when they tried to make a journal note thread in their actual phone. The conclusion they came up with was to give making a thread here in this form their “journal” and after processing that for about two nights I think it was pretty genius.
I wanted to give this a go because I am told over and over + over again that journaling is such a healthy way to cope with stressors and the *** storm that seems to be my life. I’d prefer to be able to write on pen and paper but my hands always cramp before I can ever get everything that I want to out and then I end up shorting the entry or eventually just giving up on it all together.
I am good with typing and I type quite fast so at least my hands can keep up with my stupid brain.. right?
I’m struggling hardcore with my boyfriend.. let’s call him “D.”
We’ve been going through a tough time lately and I feel often that he doesn’t consider my feelings and oftentimes he will actually turn and manipulate a fight into my reaction to how he talks/or treats me being the problem as opposed to what he actually did or said to hurt my feelings or cause the problem in the first place. He took off over 24 hours ago and will send me annoying messages on *** Messenger but has nothing to say to me when I respond telling him to come home and talk to me because I am not going to do this over the internet anymore. He choose not to come home.. that was about six hours ago.
He’s messaged me a few times since then.. stupid things! An example.. an hour ago he texted me “wtf”and I responded (probably should have just ignored it and kept my boundary to talk only if / when he comes back home… huh?) but anywho I responded back to him “?” To which of course I get no response.
Watch. It will be two or three am that he will try to roll back up to the house (I lock the doors) and want me to let him in. I don’t think I’m going to open the door if he comes back any later than 10:00 PM… 11:00 at the latest.
This is stupid and I feel dumb even typing this. I want to delete it and not to post it but maybe I will follow the Title I used in this thread to actually “Be Brave.” And post it.
Please don’t make fun of me if you respond in this thread. I have no friends, I have no family, I have a boyfriend who most likely could give zero *** about me and I think I might be seven weeks pregnant with his kid. I feel so freaking alone and scared and hopeless.. I hope even just one person can understand.. Now that I am tearing up I am going to end this and post it. Please, please, be nice
@Hiimoriah
You were brave in posting this.
I cannot imagine how alone you feel and navigating through the news and possibility of having a baby.
With no support 🩷
That's tough but you don't deserve for your bf, to be rude, dismissive, and trying to turn arguments back in you.
We can all say things in the heat of the moment that we regret but when we give ourselves space and time, it's important to communicate honestly.
You deserve his love and support and to not feel alone in this 🩷
I think it’s awful sweet that you cared enough to reply to my dumb little post.. thank you.. it definitely means a lot.
I feel alone every day and it makes me crazy. On top of all that I have also got a stupid court case and I’m going through a foreclosure so I am about to be homeless.
I feel like I cannot win no matter what I do. I don’t even know what to do. I just wish I had someone in my life.. anyone 😭
@Hiimoriah
A pleasure, oh, I really hope you find somewhere to stay 🩷
Great share!
I too have started to use Journaling to help my "stuff".
I can't type too well. But started to use googly keep and dictate my journal. Pretty fast .. but does require review to correct multiple mistakes.
Works for me for now.
Good luck with your struggles. Im learning some good stuff here.
Thanks everyone.
Today feels just as hard as the day I posted my first post. I’m just so depressed and alone and so bored but yet I can’t find it in me to even try.. not that I even know what I could try at this point 😭
Tomorrow can be better
Such a long night and I’m so tired
Dale Behavior Timeline – [Date] (Vertical, Polished)
Before 10:30 PM
- Action: Returned home after getting coffee. Dale not home.
- Feelings: Relief, happy, calm.
11:38 PM
- Action: *** message: “what’s up?”
- Cue: Initiation after minimal daytime contact.
- Response/Feelings: No response; frustrated he hadn’t communicated all day.
12:05 AM
- Action: ***: “hello”
- Response/Feelings: No response; maintaining distance.
12:21 AM
- Action: ***: “babe”
- Response/Feelings: No response; continued frustration.
12:38 AM
- Action: ***: “hello”
- Response/Feelings: No response; staying calm.
12:45–12:50 AM – Conversation begins
- Trigger: Dale asks if I did something to upset him.
- Escalation Cue: Belittling and accusatory tone begins.
- My Response/Boundaries: “I’m not doing this with you. I don’t want to fight with you.” Stayed calm, did not escalate.
Early AM (after 12:50)
- Action: Dale calls me “***” twice; accuses me of “town boyfriend” / “McDonald’s boyfriend.”
- Response/Boundaries: Maintained calm, did not engage further.
- Feelings: Targeted, tense, heart racing; proud for staying composed.
Physical Behavior
- Action: Dale gets in my face.
- Response/Boundaries: Calmly told him to get out of my face; he mocked me but I maintained boundaries.
Further Statements
- Action: Told me not to “do that no answering thing”; said I “don’t care” / “not ready” (exact words unclear).
- Response/Boundaries: Stayed calm, focused on phone.
- Pattern Cue: Continues trying to provoke response after escalation.
After Fight Pause
- Action: Dale attempts playful touching; exaggerated tone (“oh whatever” / “rawr”).
- Response/Boundaries: Distant, did not engage; maintained composure.
- Feelings: Awkward but controlled.
5:57 AM – Dale leaves
- Action: Leaves to meet uncle at Twin Bridges; gives pecks before leaving.
- Response/Feelings: Relief, pride, gratitude for documenting events while fresh.
Patterns / Observations:
- Dale engages late at night after minimal daytime contact.
- Conflicts often begin from questioning or accusations.
- Escalation includes name-calling, belittling, and aggressive behavior.
- Physical cues and mocking are used to manipulate or provoke.
- I consistently maintain calm, assert boundaries, and avoid escalation.