Betrayal

I F(19) just learned I got cheated on by my "depressed" LDR ex M(23). We started dating in August and we met through mutual online friends. At first in the relationship everything was going great picture-perfect romance and everything. I thought he was the perfect guy for me, genuine, caring, loving, considerate, loyal, honest, smart, funny, skilled e.t.c. Heck, he even said he wanted to marry me and was full on planning our entire future together with no expense spared and I wanted that very much too. Fast forward, a month or so and he musters up the courage to tell me about his past relationships, past traumas and mental health, severe depression, DID, ADHD, the works. He told me about how all his past relationships were short-lived and toxic, how he struggles to maintain connections and how he struggles with multiple personalities. I at first had no problems with this as I myself suffer from mental health issues too and can relate to his struggles and that made me love him even more. As for the issues with maintaining relationships I thought that he would make an effort to change that fact for us, but I was sorely mistaken.

After the 2-month mark of starting the relationship, he became more distant, cold and disinterested. He would break promises, give me little to no attention, love or care and forget things I said. I naturally asked him about that, and he explained it was because of his mental state and how he wasn't himself anymore and I understood and thought nothing of it. However, this meant that I'd be required to excuse him from a variety of his actions which applied to a few promises we made such as, him stopping vaping as I was concerned for his health and asking how my day was on a daily basis. As time passed, I had to compensate for him even more, taking care of him physically, mentally and emotionally while putting my own needs aside, all the while I myself am suffering from my own bout of physical, mental, emotional and health issues with little to no support from him. I had to regularly beg him to give me some care and attention. Anyways after 3 months since starting the relationship he ghosted, blocked and broke up with me. Reasoning that he did it because he loved me and wanted to protect me from him not being himself and his manic episodes by distancing himself. He then proceeded to promise to come back to me and that he would become a better person. I in turn requested that the least he could do is to update me every few days on how he was. He agreed but this promise he did not keep, and I was left for the next few weeks all alone by myself with only my dangerous self-sabotaging mind. To add insult to injury the next day he changed his mind and completely broke up with me. Nonetheless, I continued to send emails to him and check on him regularly. This period mainly consisted of me staring at my bedroom ceiling in tears for hours at a time, my head racing hot with overthinking his mixed messages and hanging on to the hope that one day he'd come back to me. A hope that I would soon learn was only just that, hope.

Earlier today I had sent an email to him asking how he was and that he was feeling better, and we could go back to being friends and that there was a chance we could get back together. I was delighted that was the case and believe that there was a hope after all for things to go back to how they were. But only an hour later I received the news from one of my friends that he had already met someone new. Not even 3 weeks since our breakup. I am beyond crushed and I honestly am unsure as to what my next steps are. One of his friends reached out to me and gave me support and disclosed that he and his new girlfriend had started showing interest in one another back in October.

I honestly am lost for words and I have no idea what to do and it's severely affecting my mental health.