Boundaries

I woke up one day feeling tired of the relationship and the stress it brings to me. I have communicated my needs several times, and I have developed a fear by doing so because my girlfriend would normally stonewall, do the silent treatment or remain harsh to me if I don't just get over it.

I'm taking the time to write this because I have suppressed my feelings for far too long. Being in a relationship should be about two people fighting the problem, not abandoning your partner when things go rough. In every argument, there's always room for respect, and it is a requirement. If it's no longer there, then either call it out or leave.

Your partner should be a safe place, not someone who shuts you down, rolls their eyes, and minimizes your experience, leaving you in the dirt while they know you'll always be there to give your love and supported, something they can't give in return.

Understanding is not the same as accepting, once I realized that I had a choice not to do both, I became aware of how dysfunctional it is and how far the trauma of being in a one-sided relationship affected me.

I told her that I'm not afraid of her any longer, and she always threatens me with a breakup and I told her I'm reconsidering her offer because I know my worth. And now she's panicking.

What I felt was fear more than love, of being abandoned, without realizing I abandoned myself for so long.

I am experiencing a trauma bond withdrawal and it hasn't been easy. But it's the first step, and that's what matters.