Boyfriend Struggles
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years and it’s been good. Lately I’ve noticed that he tries to understand my feelings but never seems to get it right and we always end up arguing.
for example, I am apart of a bridal party and the bride scheduled her bachelorette party on the same weekend as a home football game for my college (not on purpose) and I am a senior so I was pretty bummed to miss the first game because my boyfriends parents were coming into town. Yes I was bummed but this is one of my best friends bachelorette parties I’m not going to miss that. There will be other football games.
my boyfriend however did not see it this way. He was pretty upset about this and said my friend shouldn’t expect me to drop my plans for wedding events. I asked him what if he was in this situation with one of his friends would he skip the party? And to my surprise he said he would. And I’m like wow that’s how you treat your friends.
so I know he doesn’t like to admit when he’s wrong and no one is right or wrong in this situation. He is entitled to his opinion. I explained to him that I think that type of thinking is bizarre. He then plays victim and says “I guess I just do everything wrong.”
I want to say he is a good boyfriend and I’m not interested in breaking up but how do you discuss feelings with someone who resorts to this line every single time. It’s like he wants to open up but he isn’t great at it and we always end up arguing and then he is able to forget but I’m just stuck with this weight on my chest and no one around me to discuss it with.
I would tell him that he’s doesn’t do everything wrong and that we just happened to view this one situation differently. I would ask him to explain why he would choose a football game over his friend bachelor party because that is kinda crazy. If he explains his reasoning that could give him an opportunity to open up about how he feels/thinks. I would also remind him that he can be comfortable to open with you because you’re his partner not an enemy. Even if he’s not good at it, you get better by doing it more often. Remind him you’re a safe space.
@Runner620
I have a partner who did this and still tries to i just do not play along. I feel they do this "everything I say is wrong" ploy to somehow expect us to grovel and reassure them. Hoping to get their way.
Having a difference of opinion is not assigning blame.
While it sucks to have to miss events for another one this is going to happen many times in life. How you both deal with these things will define how you get along.
