Boyfriend feeling unwanted and unloved
So I've been in my current relationship for 7 almost 8 years. I have major depression and social anxiety and ptsd from childhood sexual trauma. I'm pregnant now and my boyfriend feels neglected because I don't want to be intimate anywhere near as often as we used to. There's financial stress added on to that and then trying to get everything ready for the baby is just all overwhelming. He tells me that he doesn't feel wanted and that sometimes it feels like I resent him. I just don't understand the need for physical intimacy to feel wanted or loved. There are days that I don't really want affection and sometimes I don't even want to be touched and I feel like this hurts him. It didn't used to be like this. I'm not sure what changed for me except getting older and having to face my trauma more. I don't know what to do anymore. My relationship is strained no matter what I do. I can't just force myself to do things like this for him or I would. If I could make him want it less I feel like there would be less strain but I can't change that about him either.
@WonderWomanOP
This is a common thing in many relationships ............and like so many issues facing it and communicating and LISTENING to each other is important.... he needs intimacy to feel connected and loved and while i am not suggesting doing anything you are not comfortable or making it a chore like too many IMO do... but to really try to see from both angles and meet in middle.
so many seem to think a slow down in intimacy is a phase or their partner should just accept it.....
Only after this gets worse or develops into a crisis do we deal with it.....time does not fix these things only honesty and connecting does....
I feel like we try to communicate. He tells me his needs, I try to understand and adapt. I tell him my needs and he does the same. But it's like we're at an impass when it comes down to how much or how often. He tells me why he feels the way he does and I tell him why I have trouble meeting his needs and we do listen to each other but we can never find a solution it seems.
@WonderWomanOP
There is a gap between listening and nodding your head...... and then putting thoughts into action....
think of it this way .. Example .. you are invited to a party at end of week ... as it approaches you think i am tired . do not know if I really want to go etc..... Maybe you think i will make an appearance then leave.... you get there and have a great time .........totally forgot that the last 2 days you were working on ways to excuse yourself from attending.
now in your situation do you enjoy the intimacy when you participate ? can this happen more spontaneously instead of dreading it or think "not today sounds like a party i am not sure i want to attend"
