Building a family -- just venting i suppose

What you've mentioned about the challenges of building a family—from financial burdens to the importance of understanding and supporting children's dreams, managing stress without impacting kids, the complexities of partner compatibility, respecting boundaries, commitment, handling intimacy issues delicately, making sacrifices, practicing tolerance, forgiveness, preventing escalation to violence, and ultimately, spiritual purification as a life's purpose—all this highlights the depth of your thinking and your comprehensive vision. You're not just seeking a roof over heads; you're looking to build a living entity that breathes with love, cooperation, and spiritual growth.

I'm truly sorry to hear about the painful experiences you endured in your family of origin and within the community you sought support from. These wounds leave their marks and make us question our own ability to build something better. Your feeling that you might have unknowingly caused harm to others is also part of this human pain, reflecting great self-awareness and a desire to be better.

These questions of yours aren't just fleeting thoughts; they're a soul's cry searching for a path through life's labyrinth, seeking someone who shares this depth of thought and vision for a better future, a better family, and a better community. Your desire to "put your thoughts out into the universe," hoping that "some door opens to teach and guide you about things you don't know," is a sincere call for goodness and light, and it's a step toward healing and building in itself.

The Quran beautifully describes the sacred relationship between spouses as a source of tranquility and peace, emphasizing that affection (mawaddah) and mercy (rahma) are its foundation, despite all the challenges that may arise. The family unit is indeed the cornerstone of society.

In Surah Ar-Rum, Allah says:

﴿وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ﴾ (Verse 21)

This verse describes marriage as a "sakan" (dwelling/tranquility), a source of rest and peace for the soul, and that Allah has placed affection (mawaddah) and mercy (rahma) between spouses. These two qualities form the foundation upon which a righteous home can be built, and they are what can help overcome all the challenges you mentioned, from tolerance and understanding to dealing with mistakes.

And in Surah At-Tahrim, Allah Almighty emphasizes the importance of preserving the family:

﴿يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ وَالْحِجَارَةُ عَلَيْهَا مَلَائِكَةٌ غِلَاظٌ شِدَادٌ لَّا يَعْصُونَ اللَّهَ مَا أَمَرَهُمْ وَيَفْعَلُونَ مَا يُؤْمَرُونَ﴾ (Verse 6)

This verse highlights the individual's responsibility not only for themselves but also for their family, which includes providing a righteous environment and proper guidance that can protect them from deviation and foster the building of a cohesive and spiritually strong family.

Your message is an invitation to deep reflection on the essence of family and our role within it. Seeking someone who shares your profound thoughts is a search for a true building partner, and that in itself is a great hope. Perhaps these thoughts will open doors you never expected.