Butterflies
I’m in my early fifties and have been seeing someone that’s pretty much the same age as me (within a few months).
She has been fantastic in my eyes compared to my previous relationships and I am totally smitten by her.
Since we’ve starting dating she made it clear that she’s not sure/ready for any kind of long term relationship and doesn’t really know what the future holds. She’s happy at where we are at in terms of our current situation. We’re exclusive but not fully committed to anything real serious yet alone long term. Friends, companionship, FWB but with exclusivity, semi committed, is how’d I describe it.
Every so often she brings up wanting/waiting for that sensation of butterflies in her stomach to which she admits she didn’t have when we first met. She had them when she was much younger, inexperienced and naive but believes that it’s still possible to still get them. I won’t argue with her on that point but I also believe that she’s older and more experienced now so those feelings of butterflies are masked with caution and protection from being hurt in past relationships (we’re both divorced from marriages of 20 plus years each) hence why she doesn’t feel them with me.
While she assures me that I have nothing to worry about and that I have grown more attached to me over the course of the last few months, I can’t help feel that she’s still keeping an eye out for that someone that gives her those butterflies. How am I supposed to interpret all this and what can/should I do?
@1in8billion
I would agree with you that at a certain age it may be unrealistic to expect butterflies and such. I would hate to think she would pass up a good relationship hoping for some sort of sign or whatever.
I met someone we are in similar age and i did not have butterflies or whatever but as we progressed i feel so strong for him much more then i did with my ex spouse and yet i had butterflies or whatever with EX ..
some people refuse to give up on the idea that some sort or feeling/ spark/ whatever will tell them it is real instead of just realizing it themselves ..... sounds like she does not trust her own judgement.
@1in8billion,
to me (being 60) it feels that growing older it's not so much anymore about feeling butterflies. When I met my wife 10 years ago I felt a deep soul connection. As I once told her, I never fell in love with her, it went way beyond that.
Having said this, I can fully understand why past issues makes one cautious, even on guard.
Whenever she says that she's waiting for the butterflies to appear, just be the silent listener. Or, picking the right moment, say something like " I'm here for you, as you are".
Make her feel safe and accepted. Be patient and kind, let her walk her path at her own pace.
Cherish the moment, what is. If it is meant to be, it will be. If not, you might have a friend for life.
I’m glad to hear I’m not alone in my thinking. Although it kind of feels awkward and somewhat disappointing that I’m not giving her butterflies, I do hold on to the fact that she does seem to accept/realize the fact that butterflies are hard to come by.
We had a good talk last night and this subject came up again. I listened. Offered her my perspective on it to which she did seem to understand where I was coming from. She then revealed that part of those butterflies is due in part to physical attraction. I know I’m not GQ magazine material, just average looking but she says she’s into me because of whom I am as a person.
@1in8billion,
I'm male. When I met my (unfortunately) soon to be ex wife) at 50, I was deeply attracted to who she is. She was and is heavily overweight, 11 years older, and lived far away (US, I'm from Europe). And I never felt butterflies, it went way beyond that. Still does, she knows, and the love is still there.
I've been told that I'm good looking, and a great catch. I don't care how someone looks. I care about the person.
So just be yourself. And let her be herself.