Can't stop this toxic cycle
Hi, I just need some advice or tips on how to heal from my past relationships. I have very severe trust issues due to past "trauma?" From relationships and I have a really hard time not taking it out on my current boyfriend. For example, my ex would think about other women/his friends while we had sex and he would tell me that it's normal and all guys do it and I'll never find a guy that doesn't. It just makes it really hard for me to trust that I'm the only person my current boyfriend thinks about or wants to be with in that way. Especially because I have insecurities and low self esteem. It's really bad to the point I feel really upset going anywhere like a gym, beach, or him around his coworkers. I want to trust him, there's just some kind of mental block that doesn't allow me to and I get too in my head about it and these scenarios in my head of "what ifs" or that he's going to cheat on me feel real. It causes a lot of unnecessary arguments/fights and strain on our relationship, which in turn makes me scared I'm pushing him away and "why wouldn't he cheat when I'm so clingy and fighting with him all the time". I'm just stuck in the same toxic loop that I can't seem to get out of :/
@Tristyn0930,
sounds like you could do with therapy.
And a lot of space and a lot of being alone. And yes that means that right now you are not ready for an intimate relationship.
Work on the relationship with you first.
@Tristyn0930
I feel so many can relate to what you are dealing with.
Some points in life something is said to us in a way / time that seems to cement in our head especially if we suffer with low self esteem etc. It does not matter if we move on to another relationship/ job whatever........ we can have one nagging comment stick with us... Moving past can be different for each person but the basic reality is your past bf saying was making a generalization to excuse himself he most likely was not even thinking about how it would sit with you.
i can also understand having issues but when so many hold current person in life in comparison it IMO puts too much weight on the current situation. relationships already have enough things to get over with out adding another roadblock... Have you discussed the situation with your current BF ?
Yeah it's kind of difficult to talk with him about it because he just thinks he's doing something wrong to make me not trust him or he just gets frustrated that I'm "comparing him to my past relationships". Which is understandable. I feel like i just need to figure out how to love myself and be more confident in myself and learn ways to cope with jealousy without having emotional outbursts
Your ex is a ***. *hugs* Actually, this isn’t true. As someone who has been in both committed and open relationships, it really depends on the person whether or not they are present during intimacy. Communication is key. Keep doing your best and I believe you’ll be okay 🧡