Co Parenting advice
Single dad here of 6 months. Ex fiancé is coming to back into the picture in a week. Has asked to co parent under one roof. My gut says no. I’ve provided everything financially, emotionally ect. I want to move on by myself and make a clean split. Because she hasn’t been responsible, I’ve been left in limbo with a lot of joint issues including my taxes. I think keeping my routine now is the most stable thing for the kids and future-wise. I want this stable position to provide for them peacefully. I haven’t told her yet it’s more an in person thing, because originally I agreed thinking the kids would benefit having 100% access to both of us, i am pretty confident it would be a healthy relationship on my side of things. Just history for her tells me otherwise. Plus she has a lot of traumas, depression and post partum depression, therefore not much connection, and she loves to live her own life to be quite honest. Ive always been the stay at home type. IMO the doors always always open if she needs it maybe she does, but I need my own self manageable life back and looking back I’ve been used for years I did love her but her selfish and irresponsible nature as the taker in the relationship has me growing more anxious every day that comes closer. I am going to a single intake session for mediation for some professional advice plus I’m doing counselling, they sort of say it’s going to be what it’s going to be if that’s what you want to do, but I’m very protective on their stability now. I have a parental plan, calendar ect set up for my own use the past few months as prep. She’s been amicable so far with the plan, but I’m afraid she will come in calling the shots and use me again I will put my foot down, I’m just wondering how do you bring this up in a responsible way as it’s for the best interest of the kids. And am I doing the right thing to prepare and protect. Thank you.
P.S. she is staying with family for a month prior to moving in with me and the kids. That’s why the current plan is quite workable. Do I have to just wait and see? what’s your opinions? I feel like I don’t want to make an irresponsible decision that might effect the kids negatively.
It feels like emotional and financial suicide please help
Sorry for long scramble of words sorry if it doesn’t make sense at all. Any questions please go for it, it’s very complex even for me. Be brutal. Let me know anything Ty.
@convivialOrange6713
Follow your gut it does not sound like a good situation if one person is irresponsible. if there becomes friction over finances or other it will be seen by children.... I think she wants this to work her way into a relationship. that is using the kids not caring for them.
co-parenting works for many but when you live together kids may think parents are getting back together... How will they feel if either of you decide to date or meet someone else how will you or ex deal with that part of life sound like that will be very confusing to kids.
You are still untangling finance problems why go back to another mess. I would suggest boundaries and clear roommate contract including clear on finances in writing. irresponsible people always have an excuse or big promises of paying you back will not happen
do not go backwards go forward.
Thank you I will.
@convivialOrange6713,
follow your gut instinct. You basically seem to have your life sorted out and you definitely don't want (re)create drama for you and the kids. Just politely say moving back in is not an option.
Roger that! I agree. Thank you.
Pff.. if it has been ok for her to move out then, why now change it? It’s obviously not enough time for you to process what you have been through, she also has to manage her own issues like you are doing yours. You deciding NO to make a move now, is not gonna affect in the kids. I think it will deff affect them if you make a decision you are unsure about… this sounds difficult maybe, but go with what your gut says to do.. not you logical or your desperate… what you FEEL doing it, regardless of after… commit to you, because you need to be healthy again. And this won’t help.
BTW im broken too, have 2 beautiful girls and I’ve suffered betrayal and tonight and decided I need to fall out in love of him… for my sake and the girls.
Sorry, probably not the best way of helping by telling my drama, but I talk with my broken heart as I didn’t follow my gut, when I should have…
Hope it helps a bit..
Yes this helps. Thank you. You are right and I’ve made my mind up, nothing will change for the better until I move forward. I love to listen to others don’t be sorry it helps me reflect on stuff, if you ever want to pour out let me know ☺️ I hear you. I should have done this a long time ago, I’ve let it drag me and my kids financially and emotionally when I shouldn’t have.