Confused?
I started dating my boyfriend when I was 13, and he was 15. He loved me a lot, but something felt off in our relationship, especially as time went on. When he moved to another school, everything started to change. That's when he started getting toxic. He told me things like 'I only like flirting, and looking at other girls,' 'I don't wanna be in this relationship, I want to be friends with you,' and 'you made me an animal! I'm always angry now.' At the time, I thought it was all my fault. He was going through a lot, so I blamed myself, and I cried constantly. But, over time, he changed, and he became obsessed with me.
When he moved schools, he became more distant and started acting like he didn’t care. At one point, he even told me he didn’t want a relationship, just to be friends. I felt horrible about myself, constantly questioning if I was doing something wrong. I kept thinking it was my fault. But in reality, he was going through his own struggles. Now, looking back, I realize it wasn't my fault at all. He was just pushing me away.
Last month, at my school’s annual day, I went through a tough situation with him. He came just to see me. I left my friends behind to find a spot to be with him. He got mad at me because I didn't see him earlier, and all his friends had to wait because of me. I even skipped the final dance program to find him. When he got mad at me, I confronted him about how it made me feel. I told him I wanted to end things. He cried and apologized, saying he loves me, but he got angry because of his own situation. He promised he'd change. I felt torn, but I left and went to the auditorium. However, I ran to the washroom and cried. I regretted everything, even though he made me cry so much. But at the same time, he helped me a lot too.
That night, I blocked him on WhatsApp. I was just emotionally drained. I was the only one who didn’t enjoy the day. When I got home, I cried my heart out. At midnight, he sent me messages saying he loves me and can’t live without me, and he apologized while crying. I forgave him the next day. He changed a lot after that, but still... he won’t let me talk to other boys or wear certain outfits. He’s less angry now, but there’s still control in some parts of the relationship.
I don’t even know what to feel anymore. My parents and sister found out about our relationship, and they were furious with me. They hurt me so badly, both emotionally and mentally. It felt like torture. I cried every single day because of their reactions. They didn’t understand why I was with him, and their constant anger made me feel like I was making all the wrong decisions. After everything, I felt like I was carrying this weight alone.
Even though he’s changed in some ways, he’s still possessive and tries to control me in other aspects, like who I talk to or how I dress. He’s obsessed with me now, and at times, it feels like he suffocates me with his need for constant attention and validation. I feel conflicted because I love him, but I’m also not sure if this is the relationship I want anymore. It’s been over two years, and I keep thinking back on everything, but I still feel stuck. He tries to be there for me, but I can't shake the feeling that something isn't right. I don’t want to hurt him, but I also don’t want to keep feeling trapped in a relationship that feels off at times. I’m really confused and I don’t know what to do anymore.
Yeah, I'm losing feelings. I don't know. I mean when I tell him to stop ruling over me, he changes but it's like- he doesn't want to do that but he scared whether I'll leave him if he does something i don't like.
@fallingIron143
I just want to start by saying I hear you. And I can feel how much this is weighing on you. You're not crazy, you're not overreacting, and you’re not alone in this.
You’ve been carrying so much your own feelings, his emotions, the pressure from your family, and the constant back-and-forth of trying to figure out what’s right for you. That’s exhausting. No one should have to feel trapped between love and their own happiness.
From everything you’ve said, it sounds like deep down, you already know something isn’t right. And that feeling? That gut instinct? It matters. It’s trying to protect you. Love isn’t supposed to feel like this. It’s not supposed to come with control, possessiveness, or the fear of making someone angry. You should feel safe, free, and like you can be yourself not like you have to constantly manage someone else’s emotions.
And listen, I know it’s confusing because he does love you. But love isn’t just about how much someone needs you or how much they apologize when they hurt you. Love is about respect, trust, and the freedom to be who you are without fear of upsetting someone. If you’re feeling suffocated, if you’re losing yourself, if you’re constantly questioning thingsbthat’s not love in its healthiest form.
I know you don’t want to hurt him, but you don’t deserve to hurt yourself just to keep him from feeling pain. It’s okay to let go of something that no longer feels right, even if it’s been a big part of your life. It’s okay to choose yourself.
Whatever you decide, just know that your feelings are valid. You don’t owe anyone your happiness. You deserve a relationship where love feels like warmth, not a weight. And no matter what happens next, you’re going to be okay. I promise.
Thank you for that... Few months back when I tried to break up with him.. he told me he'll end his life if I do so 🙂. Breaking up isn't easy for me either, that day when all of that happened I cried the entire night. What if he actually ends his life...? Deep down, I still like him. But I don't want all of this.
@fallingIron143
Your love is genuine but he's not one who deserves it so try to love yourself more pls it'll help you to grow emotionally and to make better decisions for peaceful life further .. have boundaries and those who try to cross those... keep distance from them...you must be your priority in these things ❤️
Stay blessed 😇
My boyfriend has changed a lot. Twice, I brought up how he used to be, and both times, he cried and begged me not to say it again. He promised he'd never repeat his past mistakes. Recently, he even blocked two girls he used to talk to without me asking, just to prove his loyalty. But no matter how much he's changed, I can't forget how he was in the past. Now, I feel guilty even looking at another guy, like I'm the one doing something wrong. He loves me so much right now, but deep down, I just don’t want to be with him anymore
@fallingIron143
Choose yourself and do what makes you happy.. don't feel guilty for being genuine soul 😊 you deserve happiness so you must do what it takes without feeling bad and choosing yourself first is isn't selfish .. it's necessary so try to accept what happened and move on .. it'll take time but it worths
Thank you so much for your support. It really means a lot to me 💗
Thank you for that... Few months back when I tried to break up with him.. he told me he'll end his life if I do so 🙂. Breaking up isn't easy for me either, that day when all of that happened I cried the entire night. What if he actually ends his life...? Deep down, I still like him. But I don't want all of this.
@fallingIron143
If the boy is threatening you he might want to commit a suicide you may forward to him these contacts, or report his behaviour here:
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (USA)Call or text 988 or use online chat.Suicide Prevention Lifeline1-800-273-TALK(8255) or 1-800-SUICIDE(784-2433)
@fallingIron143
Well, he grants himself the right to flirt and look at other girls, treating you like only a friend, not a girlfriend, but still wanting you to be his "exclusive property" with no right to talk to anyone else... Does it seem like anything fair and equal rules, or double standards?
Threatening you that he is going to hurt himself if you leave him clearly sounds as an emotional blackmail, which is a form of abuse.
Don't you think you deserve something better?
My boyfriend has changed a lot. Twice, I brought up how he used to be, and both times, he cried and begged me not to say it again. He promised he'd never repeat his past mistakes. Recently, he even blocked two girls he used to talk to without me asking, just to prove his loyalty. But no matter how much he's changed, I can't forget how he was in the past. Now, I feel guilty even looking at another guy, like I'm the one doing something wrong. He loves me so much right now, but deep down, I just don't want to be with him anymore
Am I the problem?🙂
@fallingIron143
Nope. I just think you got wiser and stronger 😊 And I hope going for a relationship, where people respect each other, without being manipulated.
Thank you 🤍