Dad called me Snarky for asking "How many times did I take a backpack to bowling?" today
So on Sunday, I was going to NEB's (North East Bowling) in next town Oliver, for a bit of fun (arcade games and bowling). So my Dad has to be my chauffeur unless I'm taking the bus which is unreliable at the best of times. But every single time Dad drives me anywhere, we have fights wether it's over a $5 lunch from a mall, or "I don't listen" lecture related to a pumpkin I only picked up because Mom had changed her Mind.
Well anyway today (Sunday) Dad started off asking me about the credits for the arcade game. It looked bigger on the website then it was in person (about the size of a bank card or a library card). And he was demanding to know stuff like "do the credits expire?" Like how am I suppose to know? I haven't played any arcade games since i was like 11 or 12 , if not when I was 15 or 16? Back when it was still tokens.
And at the time I assumed it would be bowling first, and then arcade games but it's was the other way around. But Dad called all arcade games "video games". Yes Video games can be arcade games but not all arcade games can be video games. Last I check, Skee-ball, basketball hoop (psychical ones), and Carnival toss are not screen-base video games.
And then he "didn't want me to leave my backpack" So I responded by asking "How many times did I take a backpack to bowling?" and (I had bowl about 50 Mondays in a year for either 10-13 years back when I Was on a bowling league) Dad called me "Snarky" in response to that. I don't see how that was being snarky? And he then had a fight, with me something about "not wanting me to loose my ID" and he refused to listen to me saying my ID was in a fanny pack.
And then it was into a fight which he threatened to "leave me at the side of the road" with no way to get to NEB's. But he was the one who started the fight by thinking my ID was in my backpack.
@Disneywoman
It sounds like the communication patterns between the two of you have been contentious for quite a while now.
Communication includes tone of voice, body language and of course word choice. Vocal inflection has a lot to do with how statements are received. If you glare at somebody, with your arms folded, and say "I really want to thank you…," The person you're talking to is very likely to believe that you're being sarcastic or hostile. What if you just came away from an unpleasant encounter with someone, but wanted to say thank you to someone else? It's quite possible, that even if the gratitude was genuine, it may come across as sarcastic.
Similarly, if a person is feeling tense or frustrated, even answering a simple question may come across as being snarky. It's also pretty common that a person may be feeling snarky while believing that they are not outwardly appearing to be snarky. The fact is, people who know us well can usually tell what we’re feeling, even while we are convinced that we are showing a neutral expression.
There are what is called "micro expressions." They are facial movements that appear and disappear within fractions of a second. We can be affected by them at a subconscious level, even while not consciously aware of them. I believe dissonance between what's being said and what the micro expressions convey, is what often causes "gut feelings."
When two people are expecting resistance from each other, even polite words have the potential to result in feelings of agitation. Then one or both of them will be asking themselves, "what did I say? I was being nice enough, but he still got irritated?" Then both people end up feeling as though the other was being unreasonable.
One way to diffuse such communication problems is to work towards compassionate acceptance of each other's flaws.
Another way is to become well-versed in the practice of "active listening." Google that term, or even keyword it in YouTube, and once you really understand and practice it on a regular basis, life will become more pleasant.
@Spiritriver The only problem is that Dad doesn't ever active listen. He's thinks he knows everything or what is best for everything. I can see where he's coming from, but seriously I took a back for about 10-13 years to same NEB's for about 50 Mondays a year, for those 10 years and I never lost it once.
@Disneywoman
I wonder if he's ever been on the receiving end of active listening. A lot of people have never heard of it, and need to witness an example.
@Spiritriver You should see my older thread about anxiety from Dad and Luna (my sister) to get a better sense of my relationship with my Dad.