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Default parent

User Profile: Lindseyymariee
Lindseyymariee June 9th, 2025

I am so fed up with being the default parent . My husband (30) and me (28) both work in law enforcement full time , different agencies. We have one child.

I feel like I have no help with the house chores , the mental load or anything . I do all of the grocery shopping , all of the cooking , all of the scheduling , laundry ,dishes, feed all of the animals . I am exhausted. And yes I pay the electric bill and house bill.

My husband went to a week long training 2 hours away (he loves trainings) came home around 6pm and went straight to bed . Slept till 7:30 am . Isn’t that nice. This morning , he walked right past our cooing childs room ,who had already woken up and he started with his morning . I waited 10 mins in disbelief. I knew he heard our son .. am I the ***hole for coming unraveled this morning?

My point is . No one has to tell me to do the dishes when the sink is full, or that the baby needs more diapers . Or take the trash out when it is clearly full. I don’t need to be told hey our child needs a bath or needs to be fed . But if I’m not the one who does it, it won’t get done.

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User Profile: Aayla
Aayla June 9th, 2025
@Lindseyymariee I'm so sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, you're definitely not alone in this, as way too many women are basically single parents even they are in a relationship. Women are treated as the default parent and the one who's supposed to deal with the children, but when the parents are two, the workload should be equal. Even more so if you both work outside the house too. What's his excuse?

In these cases, it's important to let everything out and be very clear with him about what you do, how you feel and how the weight you carry alone is threatening to break your relationship. He has to understand your needs must be valued, as well as your child's, he's not there to be taken care of as if he wasn't a grown person too. Give him an ultimatum, if you must, but things must change before the disfunction within your family affects your mental health and your child's in a way that is beyond repair. There's no need to stay in a relationship where you're basically alone, and he must understand it before it's too late. And if nothing changes, you'll have your answer.
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