Different attachment styles
My friend told me she is an avoidant I find myself an anxious and I told her too, she shows many signs of care yet she always pulls away and I find her really afraid sometimes of certain things like when we meet or talk, truth is I just want her to be happy regardless of me so I tried pulling away because of my overthinking yet she stopped me every time with caring words I will never forget.
I told her I love her a lot she said “but you are my close friend”
now I’m stuck in this loop there is no way I can know the lie from the truth because of her attachment style and the wounds she has been through, I just want to know the best way I can make her happy this is all what I want and for this reason every action I take has been weighing a lot me (like calling her or asking to meet her) I tried not to reach out but she did reach out then kinda disappeared I guess whatever I try to do whether chase her or pull away from her I will always feel bad because I didnt take the best action
@Anatomicalpsychology
Hi there, thanks for reaching out.
Have You told your friend how you’re struggling to find the right way to communicate with her? Sometimes just sharing how you both feel can settle any bad feelings and help you to move forward.
Yes I did, told her that I feel that I annoy her or cause her trouble around her friends, she said did I make you feel like that? I said no but I want to be the best for you even if it means pulling away and you need to communicate with me clearly about how to be that.
I feel that she hides many truths from me afraid of higher expectations or afraid of letting me down, for example during that conversation she was asking me why I keep thinking like I’m annoying to her and asking of what she did to make me feel this way then she held back from saying something and instead asked me if I was mad she said “you are looking mad already” I told her I’m just listening closely and told her she should keep on going but she didn't communicate clearly she just asked me this question and said that I’m not annoying, avoidant people struggle with clarity or confrontation even in our conversations she rarely talks about herself unless I ask her and even when I ask her, usually her answer is brief and seems incomplete.
The key point is that I need to work out the things she didnt say based on what I’ve seen and common sense and things I felt she held back from saying and act on that but at the same time I fear that these are all illusions, all just a product of my overthinking this is why top level clear communication which is extremely difficult for her is what would kill the guilt I feel all the time
But just as I said it’s extremely difficult for her and I dont want to confront her about things and put her in that difficult uncomfortable situation only so I can feel better this would be selfish and I’m not that I just want her to be happy
