Difficult conversation with partner
Me and my boyfriend have been dating to almost eleven years and he's still not ready to marry me. One minute im his friend then next im his girlfriend. Im stress because I don't know where I stand with him. If I ask him what am I to him, he says "I don't like titles". I don't ivite me to his family functions or his friends events. He says that he's a private person. If I ask to attend these events with him, he gets upset and say. IF I WANT YOU THERE THEN I'LL INVITE YOU! Once I decides to leave he always know what to say or do to keep me. I want to have a conversation with him but lately if I try to talk with him about my concerns he say that I'm disturbing his peace or flip it back to me and have me think im the issue. What advice would you give me
@sincereDog9314
that is a long commitment on your part........ but you are not getting the same consideration back.... if it was 11 months this would be irritating but not alarming ... 11 years time is up ...... especially with him being wishy washy about the status of the relationship.
of course he knows what to say to keep you on the hook ............but in reality it is time to put yourself first...What do you want in a relationship marriage / kids / etc? ....
if it has been this long chances of him changing are slim.... how long will you put your wants/ needs on hold waiting for him? what will you give up waiting? this is a you decision about what you want and how you should be respected and not used as his "friend/ gf " that he does not even invite to be around his family..... who is he ashamed of them or.....?
I want a healthy relationship that leads to marriage. Mentally im drained and the love I once had is now turning into resentment. Im disappointed at myself for allowing this to go on. I feel trapped because I've invested a lot into him and our situation. I ask him if he was ashamed of me and his response was, i dont bring you around because you are insecure 🤦🏻♀️
@sincereDog9314
Interesting use of the word "investment " .... Many people think they should stick with relationships because they have x amount of time etc.... if it was an actual money investment and you keep losing bits of money would you double down and invest more so you can lose that too or cut your losses?
If he was serious about you being insecure was an issue........... a real partner would help lift you up and reassure you of your worth show you how to be strong ... not use it as an excuse to not include you.
Do not be disappointed in yourself for putting in your best effort to make it work and trying.
USE the resentment to empower you to see it is HIS loss ... many times resentment is a good motivator of how much time you gave and he lost your love and respect.
know that you learned valuable lessons being used for years.... you are much stronger then you know...and deserve to be treated better ... we all do....
