Disrespect.

My husband has been resorting to calling me everything under the sun during arguments, even over the slightest things. (i.e ***, ***, idiot etc.) It’s been going on since probably beginning of the year if not longer. I keep telling him every time that he knows better than to call me any of those things when we argue and that they hurt my feelings And it makes me feel disrespected and belittled. Every time he sits there.. on his phone.. attention drawn away from the situation, ignoring my every word.

Recently, he had surgery to repair a tendon in his left ankle. All I’ve been hearing is him wanting surgery on his right ankle now… which used to not be an issue, has never been looked at or scanned. It didn’t become an issue until he became non-weight-bearing on his left foot and started relying more on his right foot. Which I told him was probably just straining from over use and having all of his body weight on all of a sudden. But he insists he needs surgery on that one too. He brought it up to his doctor and doctor told him not to worry about it, focus on healing left foot first… he kept on. Saying he’d have to be on short term disability etc etc. I told him to stop, that the dr said not to focus on that right now and I don’t want to hear about it anymore because we already have too much going on. He flipped. He told me to stop being a *** idiot. Once again I told him it hurt and I’m tired of being disrespected. He sat in silence, not a single word from him as he sat on his phone. I went to bed crying, no apology, no “are you okay?”.. nothing. Woke up and I reiterated to him that it just needs to stop because what he’s doing is hurting me (calmly, no tone or attitude in my voice).. his response was “that’s the thing, I don’t care that I hurt your feelings” - and something in me shattered. Then to top it off, after almost 7 years of talking about kids and wanting to have kids and being excited.. tells me he no longer wants them.

The man that’s supposed to love, cherish and care for me through thick or thin, didn’t care that his words hurt me. And since then (~2 weeks) he’s acted like nothing happened, like things are perfect between us.

Since then, I’ve been kind of lost, coexisting if you must. Kind of feeling like I’m at a dead end and don’t know where to go.