Divorce
I guess to type and talk about it
For the last serveral years my husband had an anxious attachment style. ...
Like if i went to do anything that didnt include him he would have panic episodes. And when I did include him he would have like a bad vibe the whole time. We talked about it a lot towards the end and nothing really got better with this.
In Jan I asked for a 2 week separation. A week into this his mom died.
I went home early from my dads and had the funeral and everything.
Then it was almost Valentine’s Day.
I told him i didnt feel like celebrating it this year and then he left - like moved out. Then in March we had ONE couples therapy session.
He told me that asking for that inital space was unforgivable. So I said if is so unforgivable then we are much different people and maybe we should get divorced. In early april he started to see someone new and filed for divorvce. I have tried to talk to him a lot since then and he will only talk to me about business related things. And I guess it’s just tearing me apart inside because of all the things I could have done different and still have him because I genuinely miss his over all presence.
I’m depressed. I have issues focusing on work. I don’t wanna do anything I used to thing was
fun and I only want to sleep. I take a lot of over the counter sleeping aids so that I can sleep more.
I have therapy but their coping ideas are not good ones to be honest… like a read a book or go on a walk…. Like I have literally no desire or motivation. I take my dog for two walk a day and that alone drains the life out of me. I work from home and find myself falling asleep while working or just dazing.
@LostMonster2
I am sorry you are going thru this sometimes when we have issues it is just more uncomfortable and harder to deal with the real issue.
I am not really into the labeling of attachment style but if he was uncomfortable with you doing things without him and felt he had to be with you then the asking for a break probably felt like it was crossing a line. Then maybe he hoped valentines day was something you could celebrate and try to fix things. Instead of telling you how this felt to him ... he left before you left him.
We when having issues often leave things unsaid and unheard. Many things we realize after the other one has moved on. if you miss him tell him ... if you wish things could have gone better and done different say it out loud.... The biggest regret we will have is not saying something we feel and often saying things we wish we had not because we hurt. I know someone 7 years divorced and when we chat about relationships they STILL bring up the would have or could have memories.
This is weighing on you and talking a walk reading a book etc will not help ... unburden yourself speak up and put down your defense and hurt so you can move on.
@LostMonster2
Hello, When I was depressed it really helped me to do painting. I don't know if you have any creative outlet you like. Something where you have to figure it out...Figure out a good problem and is somewhat creative was super helpful to me. I would super encourage hanging out with some friends or family. Please seek some kind of activity where you're making something or figuring out a problem. Also God is love. Please reach out to the God of this world and let him guide you. The book of Psalms is like songs from the heart. If you like house/club music there's a mix on YouTube that I really like....I know it can feel like a zombie going through depression....Please know this will NOt last forever even though it feels like it. It may last for a long time but it will not be forever.
