Do I stay back or go with my mum?
Hi there,
I'm a junior Dr and a SAHM to a beautiful 10 month old baby girl, my husband is also a Dr, due to all the expenses and costs of living, he has been working hard, savings are declining and currently he works 2-3 jobs to try to earn back the savings. I conceived right after the wedding, since the very beginning, I realized I married into a dysfunctional family, his older brother's wife had a huge argument with me in the second week of my marriage, the trauma still remains with me to this day.. I suffered a lot during that initial period, it's been 1.5 yr to our marriage. My husband blames me for a lot of that too, though he doesn't bring it up as much now as he used to. He has always wanted me to work and help with the finances, but I refuse so that I can focus on taking care of the baby, but overtime he has become passive aggressive, cold and gives me silent treatment or out right ignores me to punish me. Yesterday I confronted him and he said he really hated me, that I'm difficult and misbehave with my in-laws (an incident with his sister)--again something he hold against me. He said he hates me and that I have no plans to build a better future.
My dillema is I am struggling to care for my baby alone, as there's no family in this city and I have no maid/sitter available and he is out for work the entire day, infact I feel he enjoys being out of the house and away from me and the baby. I finally resorted to call my mum for help, she has come over but will be leaving this weekend. My parents have asked me to come home for a month or so.. but I am confused as this is not the solution to my problems and I can't keep running home every time there is an issue.. I don't know what to do..? I am also trying get remote online work.. I can't travel alone with the baby as it's very difficult and staying back is going to be a tough decision too as I will have to face his cold behavior. Should I just go with my mum? Or try to make it work somehow?
@politeRaspberries995
My heart really goes out to you. You're carrying so much right now recovering from pregnancy, raising a 10-month-old with very little support, dealing with financial stress and trying to hold a marriage together while being told such hurtful things. That's an enormous emotional load for one person. From what you've written, going to your parents for a few weeks doesn't sound like "running away." It sounds like accepting support when you genuinely need it. There is nothing weak about letting the people who love you help you get through an incredibly difficult season. Sometimes creating a little breathing room is exactly what you need before making bigger decisions. It also worries me that instead of working through problems together, your husband responds with silent treatment, blame and telling you that he hates you. Those words leave deep wounds. Whether he's overwhelmed or exhausted himself, you still deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. You don't have to decide the rest of your marriage today. Right now, you and your baby need stability, rest, and support. If staying with your parents for a short while gives you that, there's no shame in accepting it. During that time, you can think more clearly about work, childcare and whether your husband is willing to communicate and work on your relationship together. Please be gentle with yourself. You're not "just staying at home, you're caring for a 10-month-old full-time, which is demanding in every sense of the word. You're doing the best you can under very difficult circumstances and that deserves compassion, not criticism. I truly hope things become easier for you. Whatever you decide, remember that you deserve a partner who speaks to you with respect, values your efforts as a mother and faces life's challenges alongside you not against you. Wishing you strength, clarity and peace for you and your little girl. ❤️
Thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate it.
I am confused because somehow this feels like the end.. I don't know.. I feel like everything is going to fall apart, if I leave.
I don't know how staying would help either. But I'm so conflicted, he is a very avoidant personality, I could stay away for months and he wouldn't be bothered, if it saves him some cash. He is very ambitious and money-minded. We have very different perspective on finances.
He is acting really cold and speaks with one word replies. He left work this morning, again giving me the cold shoulder. I feel so depressed and helpless at the same time. I'm trying to act unbothered. But that's far from the truth.
And going to my parents house has few downs too:
No privacy as there are no spare rooms.
My marital problems won't resolve by staying away when we barely speak and then distance comes into play.
I just wish things were simpler.
Should I confront him again?
