Don't know where my life is at present
I am a 36-year-old female To the outside world, I am a success—I am a Dentist, , and I earn a very high income (2L+ pm). But my internal reality is shattered.
I grew up with a volatile, alcoholic father and experienced childhood trauma (abandonment in a hostel at age 8, witnessed domestic chaos). I’ve spent 30 years 'portraying' a good family image to protect my reputation.
I am currently in a marriage where my husband is my professional support (he owns the clinic I practice in), but he is emotionally and physically abusive. Yesterday, an argument escalated and he strangled me for a few seconds. He calls me 'mental' and 'crazy' () to blame me for his aggression. I have no parental home to go to, and because of my kids and my career, I feel I cannot leave.
I am staying, but I am 'emotionally exiting' to save my sanity. I am looking for a space to talk freely because I have no one in my real life who knows the truth. I just want to know I’m not alone and that I’m not 'mental' for feeling angry and hurt."
@Unstablemind1990
You are not alone or mental ect. You are more than a career title or money made or the look of a family. self-care and appreciation helps when our partners are not good.
When we pretend to "look" the part for others... we lose ourselves.
Were you ever happy and in love with spouse? if so, when did it change ...
if not but he was central casting for your career plan or family look. When we become unhappy with pretend when we feel we missed something we become hard to live with....... so besides being abusive and mean your spouse is most likely unhappy as well. was this what you talked about while first together of what you wanted out of life.
only you know what you want and if you want to change things ... no one is really keeping score of "look how successful Unstablemind1990 is " usually only us.
what would you want your kids to write about what their family was like... if they were on a site like this?