Emotional Push & Pull How to Support Without Losing Myself?
Hi everyone,
I’m struggling to make sense of a complicated dynamic I’m in and would really appreciate some gentle advice or support.
I’ve been talking to someone for a while now. We started off with a really strong connection — daily conversations, sharing stories about our lives, and even comforting each other during tough times. I’ve always tried to be a steady and supportive presence for her, especially since she’s under a lot of pressure at work and carries big responsibilities.
There were clear signs of interest from her side: she initiated chats, asked thoughtful questions, remembered small details about me, and even opened up about personal and family matters. We’ve had moments of light flirting, deep talks, and comfortable silence. I eventually developed deeper feelings and expressed them honestly but respectfully.
Things shifted after that. She became more distant and less consistent. But recently, she opened up again — telling me about the things that are draining her emotionally and physically. It felt like a renewal of trust, and I listened without judgment, just offering support.
But now, she’s pulled back again. It’s confusing and honestly a little painful. One day it feels like we’re deeply connected, and the next it’s like I’m being held at a distance.
I care about her deeply and want to be someone she can lean on, but I also don’t want to lose myself in this back-and-forth. I’m trying to give her space while also honoring my own need for clarity and emotional safety.
Has anyone been in a situation like this? How did you navigate supporting someone who’s hot and cold? How do you protect your heart without giving up on someone you truly care about?
Thanks for reading — it means a lot.
@practicalCoconut1744 Right now it sounds like this lady is going through a lot and isn't sure what she wants in life and if she's ready for a relationship. I just have to tell you this now, I was once like that and at first my guy friend who liked me try romancing me and I ran out of fear of it not working out and my guy friend just kept his distance romantically but was there as a friend for years never really pushed the whole romantic thing and it just made me feel so much more comfortable with him and when I healed from a toxic relationship I was in I realized I loved him and how much of a blessing he was in my life. As far as protecting your heart I would ask god or the universe to help you to protect your heart the correct way and try to just be her friend but always remember there's a possibility of becoming more in the future. If its meant to be it will come together. Don't give up hope either way it could be her or god or the universe may be preparing you for a relationship with another woman similar to her, life's funny like that! I wish you the best!
@practicalCoconut1744,
she might be struggling with personal issues. It's not personal directed towards you. Give her space, don't push her, don't pressurize her and don't focus on her. Be a safe harbor.
I feel for you. I have been in a the same situation but it did end well for me. She ended up ghosting me , never explained and the lack of closure haunts to this day.
Like you , you feel a connection , the joy of her effort and thoughtfulness but comes with the lows of her distance and coldness. Sound like she's starting to breadcrumb you.
She sounds a little like she is avoidant attachment .
Don't go chasing her she will feel suffocated and pull away.
Whatever happens it not you it's her.
Try to stay busy with other things in your life and not get too fixated on waiting for her to message or reach out. You can't force someone to like /love you.
I'm sorry and I hope the situation improves for you I genuinely do.
I don't know bro, there's still a part of me that want to still reach out we are still messaging each other but she hasn't replied to my last message yesterday
I know.. I really do know .. the persisting feeling of anxiety, looking at your phone waiting hoping.
Maybe a little spark of hope and joy when they do then it's back to that void.
It took me 3 months to stop messaging her and 3 years to delete her contact details. Not a single reply.
Please I know it's hard but you have to let go for now. You can't make her love you back. Start the healing process I promise you one day it will be better.
@practicalCoconut1744
It seems you deeply care about her and her emotions
It makes sense to be confused and troubled if you see someone pulling out
