Ex abandoned me 4 years ago then came back
My ex ghosted me 4 years ago right before we were supposed to move in together. Now he came back a month ago to apologize, I accepted and we talked for a bit. At first he told me he didn't have a girlfriend but that he was talking to someone until the more we would talk I realized she was his girlfriend so when I asked him why he lied he said because he felt like he was already putting too much on my plate. So I tried still being friends with him, he started venting to me about his girlfriend about how she was ignoring him and such until about a week later she apologized and he slowly stopped talking to me and said he's just busy with work and then that turned into he's mentally struggling until now he's ghosting me again. He called me a few times while we were still talking and he said some things that I didn't understand. Like the other day he mentioned he's been thinking about coming to the state I live in and that he's been thinking and trying to remember more about me like that I don't like meat and what month my birthday is in. Just some stuff like that. And I just feel like I'm getting mixed signals from him and I don't really understand why he came back into my life. Our relationship was complicated before he left and now I just feel lost and confused and sad that he's gone again. I didn't mind just being friends but if he wasn't okay with it anymore then why not just tell me that. It took me so long to get over him and now I feel almost the same way I did when he ghosted me the first time. I feel like I'm being unreasonable being so hurt by it all. I understand I need better boundaries and I now don't think I should have allowed him to vent to me about his girlfriend but I just didn't want him to feel alone.
@sundaymonday27
you are not being unreasonable, he seriously hurt you and came back expecting you to be fine with it. Its so kind of you to care about someone elses feelings but dont ever put those above your own. He is sending you some very mixed signals leaving and coming back just to leave again. This causes some very confusing emotions and can be draining. Its entirely up to you what happens - but know your worth and boundaries. You are strong and will get through this confusing time.
Thank you so much for your response. I've been feeling like I'm being overly dramatic because it has been 4 years but I didn't even realize I was still holding on to it just a little bit until he reached out recently. And then for him to lie about his girlfriend and giving me mixed signals. I was going to message him last night telling him I have to pull away because it's too much for me but he never answered so that made me feel silly for even trying to reach out to let him know.
@sundaymonday27
Youre not being silly, its (respetively) slightly insane to leave someone for 4 years, let them find peace, and then bringing them back into your life
I understand that it sucks when you put yourself out there and they dont respond - but youre not silly, most likely he saw it felt some sort of way where he felt that if he repsonded he gave you the upper hand
Its quite weird he lied to you about his girlfriend for him to just complain about her, she did nothing wrong, and him having a girlfriend wouldnt change your relationship/friendship in the first place
He told me he just felt like he needed to apologize for the way he left me because he really did just straight up ghost me. Which is why I thought it was reasonable to hear him out. But then he ended up leaving basically the same way he did the first time so I just don't know why he even bothered. I even at one point had a conversation with him telling him I'm fine with us just going our separate ways and we don't have to be friends but he said it was fine. He could have just told me then and let me have actual closure.
@sundaymonday27
It seems youve matured and he hasnt, im sorry it ended up this way - but even if it may not feel like it theres a bit of closure for you use.
Yes I agree, I decided to take his lack of response as closure. It just still hurts.
