Feeling Anxious

Here it is:

Married with two kids, first child is 2 years plus, second one is barely 3 months. Since my wife gave birth, we decided I would sleep together with my senior child in her room, and her sleeping routine means I also go to sleep at the same time. I take her to school, shower her before bed, and put her to sleep every time, both at night and in the afternoon when she’s not in kindergarten. I also pay all the bills in the house while working remotely. My wife doesn’t do much for now. For all these 2 years plus I have been handling everything financially.

But lately I feel she’s putting the sole responsibility of our senior child entirely on me, which is something new. The stress and attention the child needs has gotten to the point where I can’t do anything for myself anymore. If I go to shower or use the toilet, she’s with me. My wife can’t even bother taking her, but when it’s my wife’s turn I make sure both kids are with me so she has her time. If the child wants anything, my wife always directs her to me for little things she could easily handle herself, and her excuse is that she’s with the other child.

She’s constantly instructing me and I feel commanded, like I’m weak in my own house. I can’t say anything without her bringing up “you started putting the child to sleep barely 3 months ago, what about me, what about all these years.” That statement hurt me because I have been supporting the family all along. We were sleeping in the same bed and I was putting the child to sleep too. So does she mean all those years of effort don’t count just because we three slept in the same bed and now we don’t because of the new baby?

Now my senior child doesn’t want me to carry the other child. The moment I do she starts crying. Also the room we normally slept in before the new child was born she doesn’t even want to sleep there anymore. If my wife is not around she will say “No daddy, that’s mummy and little baby’s room, let’s go sleep in our room.”

I have confronted my wife several times about giving attention to our senior child too. Her excuse is that my senior child rolls a lot and if the baby starts crying at night it will wake her up.

This evening I was still in the shower and came out feeling angry because I had sent the child out of the bathroom as I was very uncomfortable. The child came saying she wanted more soup, and my wife called from the room telling me to give her soup. I replied asking why she couldn’t stand up from the bed and give the child soup, it wouldn’t take 2 minutes. Her excuse was that she was with the baby. I said she could leave the baby for a moment and quickly give the soup. She said “why can’t you do it?” I said because I was in the bathroom. She said “oh, the bathroom you always sit in for hours.” I told her she was leaving every responsibility of this child to me and asked how she would manage if I was not in the house or was working in another city. She said “I’m not the reason you didn’t find a job in the city.” I said all I’m asking is for her to give equal attention to both children and not neglect one. She said “is it because you started doing things these past months that you’re complaining, what about all these years?” I said “are you saying all these years I haven’t been contributing, that you were doing everything yourself? We were sleeping in the same bed, are you saying I never put her to sleep before?” Then she immediately closed her room door. That was it.