Feeling Disrespected and Heartbroken
I (44 year old woman), have been with my husband (41 year old male) for almost 12 years, married for 6 of those 12. My husband has recently been on alot of different social media apps and I have also caught him on dating sites. On social media he presents himself as happily married but then he receives messages from these 18 -22 year old women and proceeds to interact with them knowing they are only messaging for 1 reason, he does this behind my back trying to hide it. Messages are flirtatious and end up being sexual if he keeps messaging them. The dating sites were worse because it is only sexual and he was telling this 21 year old all the sexual things he couldn't wait to do to her the very next day, I guess they were supposed to meet the next day and have sex all day. I can't understand how he can sit next to me and act like he loves me and only wants to be with me and talk to young women that are the same age as our oldest daughter about meeting up and having sex. I believe the only reason he hasn't been able to meet them or maybe he has met up with some, is because I bust him out on it before he can. We both work the same job, he used to help me around the house and now that's 100% me even when he knows I'm just as tired as he is if not more because I work, cook the meals, clean and we have 3 kids. He gets off work, sits down and gets to relax and go on his phone to do whatever he wants to make himself happy while I am doing everything for us and the kids. He could be helping me and trying to show me he loves me like he used to. The only time I seem to be useful is when he wants sex and it's everyday, multiple times a day most of the time. The problem with that is when we are having sex I can't stop thinking he is probably imagining someone he was just lusting over. Does anyone else have these issues in their marriage/relationship? Can this be fixed or am I getting left for the younger woman soon?
@franks2020
I'm so sorry you are experiencing this.
You don't deserve it.
And what can these women actually offer, apart from the obvious.
Instead of stroking his own ego, he should be focusing on you and the life you've built together.
Prioritising you.
Being loyal.
And respectful.
And putting the energy into your marriage.
I personally wouldn't be having sex with him, until he started to show, he has deleted all apps and his attention is where it should be, I'd make him put in the work, you are worth it 🩷
Dang, that’s wild you’re still having sex with him. I’m a husband (44 and wife is 42) and I do a lot of the housework and kids stuff while she works part time and hangs out with friends most the time during the day while I’m working (I work from home and it’s flexible). She doesn’t like having sex really at all. It’s just wild to me to think your husband is doing that and there’s still intimacy. But, it’s so tough with kids to move on - I think that’s the hardest part. Definitely really tough what you are going through. Are you doing couples therapy?
No I haven't brought up couples therapy because I think I need to leave to show him I won't put up with this anymore. It has gone on far too long already and I'm tired of feeling bad about myself and what makes it worse is he is the one that used to make me feel so beautiful and safe, now I'm an insecure and scared to lose something that no longer exists. I love him so much this hurts my heart so bad it feels like it's in pieces.