Feeling Used
Has anyone experienced being used by their past relationships here? How did you overcome the heartbreak?
I ended my three year relationship with my ex-boyfriend two months ago because I feel being used. He is unemployed and studying again living with what his parents and I could offer him. I totally understand that he could not reciprocate any physical and financial aspects that I could afford to offer him. I just wanted him to be true to me emotionally. However, everything I did still wasn't enough for him and he still craves attention from other women. I just felt so used after all those years. I feel like, he just stayed so that I could buy him what he needs in his studies. 😥
@peachThinker9051 I'm so sorry that you are hurting emotionally, peach. There is a thing called "unintended consequence." It means you did a good thing, based on what your heart told you to do. There was nothing wrong with doing it, and your intention was pure and good. But the result you hoped for did not make things better. Your boyfriend did not respond with a grateful and loyal heart.
Breaking up is never easy, and the loss of a relationship - even if it was not a healthy relationship - is still a grieving process once it has ended. Your feelings are real. You invested your heart and your time and, in this case, your finances into this relationship. You did not receive what you crave (perhaps a sense of togetherness, feelings of gratefulness for your contribution, and loyalty). I wish you all the best on your healing journey. You sound like a very caring and generous soul. You deserve to share life with a person who shares those values and gives you respect and trust in return.
@MidwesternCalmSeeker @peachThinker9051
I 100% agree with Seeker and they couldn't have worded it better in my opinion. But I'd like to leave you with some things that worked for me after feeling used in a relationship.
- Keep your friends close, yes validation is something you have to learn giving to yourself, but it's okay to have a little help from a loved one at time
- Speaking of validation, tell yourself often that you are good enough, you have worth, you deserve love, you indeed gave all these things willingly and freely with the best intentions because your heart was open, and doesn't it make you a beautiful person for being able to do that?
- Recognise the negative patterns and behaviours of past partners, it doesn't matter why someone cheats and lies, but it often shows in their actions and communications. Learn to firmly stand up for yourself, you deserve that.
- Don't think that there's no hope for the future, there are plenty of fish in the sea and not all of them attack you. You will find the love you deserve, when you are ready, in your time.
Best of luck with everything, keep an open heart, especially towards yourself.
I do appreciate this piece of advice @TheJoxter Memories and good times may make me doubt my decision of leaving him, but it's the best that I could for my mental health. Thank you! ❤️
Thank you for your kind words @MidwesternCalmSeeker , it's such a food for thought.
Don’t feel used, sad or guilty. I have been in a similar situation. I changed my mindset to “ I paid to expose his true character.”. Trust it’s cheaper financially and emotionally. I also learned to temper my financial assistance. People tend to show resourcefulness when they have their own feet to the fire.
Keep loving yourself.
I thought about it in the middle of our relationship, but I gave-in after the lovebombs, thinking maybe the next day he would treat me better.
An Update on this.
Thank you everyone for your kind words and for making me realize my worth and value. I'm not gonna lie. His memory still lingers. But, I'm doing better slowly, day by day. I'm pampering myself and did things for my friends and family again. Just the past few days, he contacted me again, asking if we could get back together. I refused as I don't see the sincerity. He just sent one message with no apologies or whatsoever, saying he wanted to get back but he's not sure of not hurting me again. He wanted me back, but with a disclaimer. I jjust learned then, that it was his thesis defense in a few days and he wanted someone that would fix his school work. He's lowkey wanting me back cause he needed me for his own. Now, I'm getting a more vivid vision to what our relationship was.
Thanks a lot you guys, for being with me and for leaving such positive notes to ponder. I may cry again on the next few days but this time I know what I deserve.
