Feeling stuck in my marriage
Hi, I'm 25(M) and fixing to be 26 in May soon. I've been married to my wife, 27(F), for a year now, but we've been together for 4-5 years in total.
When we first started dating, we're both never had sex before and that's okay so we didn't rush it. After 4 years of dating, we officially got married and moved in together. A year later and I feel like I'm stuck in a endless loop within my own head of doubt and guilt.
Having sex isn't a big deal and I get that, but I want to be even more closer with my wife but it feels like a one way street. We discussed about us being in a sexless marriage back in February, the week of Valentine's Day and her response left me puzzled.
Some context about me, I love chubby/ plus size women. I made no secret about it amongst my group of friends and family. She knows this too when we first met. So, with that out the way, here's how our discussion went.
When I asked her about us having sex, she responds that she's still self conscious about her body and that she's afraid I'll look at her differently. Which puzzled me because we've been together for years now and why all of the sudden you're afraid of my feelings towards you?
So, two months go by and now I'm back to my old bad habits of explicit content online consumption daily, feeling burned out at work and more stress than usual, and feeling more guilt or frustrated at myself that I'm not doing enough.
I don't know what to do and I feel stuck.
@MNorman4
So early in a marriage and with both of you inexperienced. you mention what you are into but what about her? What is attractive to her ...... attraction is often more than physical, in situations like this most women need to connect emotionally and make things feel safe and explore together.
telling her you are ok with her body does not make her feel ok with it .....encourage her to learn to love herself and not feel bad about herself and she will be more open. I think people should have a real conversation about sex when dating.
@MNorman4
It sounds really heavy to carry… wanting closeness with your wife and feeling stuck like this can be exhausting.
Maybe for now, you could gently focus on creating a sense of safety and reassurance with her, letting her feel desired and accepted without pressure, and also take small steps to take care of yourself, especially around the stress and habits that are weighing on you.
Update:
I took y'alls advise and gave her some space and give her encouragement about accepting and loving herself, but the response I got back is even more puzzling. I won't say what it is, but I feel now there's this barrier between us now that I'm the one initiating the conversation to make her open up, but I either get stoned wall or a vague answer.
I'm not even talking about sex at this point and want to be much closer with her, but now it's been affecting my mood much more than usual.
I'm stressed out at work, I've been dissociating for what feels like daily now because how disconnected I feel in my marriage, and I'm spiralling in my own head with countless what ifs.
I genuinely don't know what to do.
