Fresh out of a 4 year relationship
It stings. I’m sad and happy.
I’m sad he was not mature, empathetic or emotionally available. He used, manipulated and mistreated me on so many occasions I was a fool to be blinded by the small acts of love he’d do for me now and then to keep me distracted.
I fell so hard my thoughts became his and I didn’t know who I was anymore and suddenly all my friends left me because of him and now I’m all alone after finally leaving him.
I’m happy because now I have a clean slate. I still love the thought of him but it’s just his disguise.
@beachmelon74
Going through a relationship with someone who manipulated, was distant, and emotionally unavailable is truly difficult and painful. You are incredibly strong for making the decision to end it. That was such a brave step, and I’m genuinely proud of you.
Your mixed feelings are completely normal, because healing after something like this takes time. With time, you will definitely feel better. Even if things ended this way, that relationship can still be an important life lesson and a valuable experience to learn and grow from.
Sometimes losing friends because of someone else isn’t really their fault. It’s more a sign that those people were never truly your people. Real friends will never leave you, no matter what happens or whose influence they’re under. Now you have space in your life for new people who will truly appreciate and love you. The end of something always opens the door to a new beginning.
If thoughts about him ever feel overwhelming, it may help to shift your focus onto other areas of life or back onto yourself. For example, you could create a little celebration day just for yourself, with no reason at all,simply to make yourself feel good.
I hear both parts of you hurt and relief. What you’re missing isn’t him, it’s the version he performed and the way those rare ‘sweet’ moments trained your brain to wait for the next one. That’s withdrawal, not proof it was love. You didn’t lose yourself; you were overwritten for a while. You get to write you back. when the urge hits, wait 48 hours and talk to a friend before any contact. Urges peak and pass.
I also trusted someone who turned out to be a professional liar. She cheated on me, and the worst part wasn’t even the betrayal itself it was how perfectly she played the role.
people like that are just good at wearing masks. They give small acts of affection to keep you hooked while they drain you.
Future = probabilities. Every choice you make now (like not contacting him, like reconnecting with yourself) collapses reality into one branch. Some branches = despair. Some = healing. You choose which wavefunction collapses.
All the best