Friends with ex's
Hi everyone!
I have a question for you. My partner and I (we are both in our early 50s) don't quite seem to see eye to eye on something.
He has quite a few platonic female friends. They range from people he went to elementary school with, to people he's met at work etc. In addition to that though, he also keeps in contact (not regularly....Merry Christmas etc., And Hi how are you, from time to time) with people that he's dated in the past.
This ranges from people he's dated for a couple of months and upwards. He says that if the relationship did not end on a sour note then he doesn't understand the problem with being friends with them. Again, these are not people that he is going out with for coffee etc., The only contact he has is once in awhile via text or phone.
For me, my experience has been different. I have dated people in the past and had a relationships with them but 80% of them I don't keep in contact with. He says he cares about these people whereas for me, that feeling of caring for them is not present.
Just wondering what your thoughts and experiences are.
For the record, I don't think that he is going to start up a relationship with them again, not at all. He and I are different and I'm just trying to understand his point of view. And yes, I've spoken to him but thought it would reach out and get some other opinions.
@convivialZebra819
I think it's a great question.
I am 50 and here's a bit of my experience with staying friends with exes.
* I am friends with one ex that I have gone out for lunch with a few times (years ago!), and send between 1 and 5 texts per year. It's totally platonic, no romantic interest, just feels to me like someone I've known a long time and it's nice to feel like it's a long-lasting friendship.
* I have had 1 partner who became insanely jealous that I was friends with that ex. It never made sense to me how he could be so jealous, but we're all different.
* I have had another partner where we actually met several of each other's exes, and that was maybe a little awkward, but in the long run kinda cool. Again, everyone's different.
* I had a partner who was still in touch and friendly with one ex, would go out for coffee or something several times a year. I never had any reason to be jealous of her, and that was fine with me. I actually was glad to know that partner could be on good terms with an ex.
* Then I know several people who believe that all exes should be ignored. No contact.
So... I think it's totally possible for people to stay friends with an ex and have it be a safe and supportive friendship. It really just depends on the people and how they handle themselves. If everyone wants that, is capable of doing that, is comfortable with that, then why not?
So there's my 2-cents.