Giving answers is a privilege or a right within a relationship
I’m in a ldr, we got along pretty well for the most part, but one question is the reason for all our fights, when a partner asks you question, giving the answer is a right or a privilege?
When I first met my bf he was very openly communicative, he was openly sharing and initiating because he was letting me into his life, including me into people in his life telling me the back story and everything which i really appreciate and don’t get me wrong he still does that to a degree but not as much and he says he doesn’t have the emotional bandwidth and when we met he was grieving the loss of an ex who left him so he was in a different mindset.
i expressed to him many times that I would like him to include me, to initiate by telling me stuff about his day and so on like share with me like he used to but he said sometimes i care about things he doesn’t care about and therefore he can’t reasonably think like me.
Our compromise was like he will share whatever he feels is necessary and if I have questions he would answer. This is where we disagree, most of my questions are usually met by resistance, by dismissive answers like “I don’t know” or “I don’t wanna think about it”
We have had multiple arguments about this because he think I’m unreasonable and I need to be able to soothe myself
I don’t disagree necessarily with him, but to me I’m taking this relationship seriously and I’m treating it differently i don’t wanna sit around and assume the worst or have uncertainty from my perspective i wanna turn to him and find the reassurance im looking for
From his perspective, it’s a lack of trust, he feels constantly monitored and under stress and he doesn’t feel safe he feels I will eventually find something that will be a problem
From his perspective, he grew up where people judged him for answers he gave, used it against him and so on so he thinks not everything question should be answered and that’s a privilege that I have
I think differently, I want this person in my life and i want him to know everything about me and I wanna feel the same. I’m very anxious and I told him i don’t need him to soothe every aspect of my life but I need him to reassure me when it comes to any anxiety related to our relationship.
Am I being unreasonable?
@cupcakepuffs
I don't think you are being unreasonable to want him to share things with you.
We all just have different communication styles.
And we have to let each person go st their own pace 🩷
@cupcakepuffs
it is not about being unreasonable it is about respect going both ways he shared openly at first which is common in relationships, but many once established do not feel the need to share items they feel are mundane etc.
He gave you a solid reason from his perspective maybe you can compromise and find some middle ground. my person was like that, when asked a direct question about their day for example they did not answer it how I felt they should. If I spoke of other similar things in my day, often they let me in on more details of their day instead of just saying it was OK or fine.